


They Never, Never Wake Again

by ba_rabby



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Death, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, M/M, Multi, Pegging, Polyamory, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-04 04:40:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4125795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ba_rabby/pseuds/ba_rabby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years after Shepard became a Spectre, her mentor (and sometimes lover) Saren lost his arm in an 'incident'. Saren maintained contact but did not see Shepard in person for nearly two years. All the while, he worked missions with the other member of the relationship, Nihlus. Saren finally decided to stop pushing Shepard away and invited both Shepard and Nihlus to his home on Virmire for what should be a reconciliation. (Non-Reaper AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as part of the 2015 Mass Effect Big Bang and thus there is lovely art by CalypsoTea. You can find it here on [Tumblr](http://calypsotea.tumblr.com/post/121468277988/saren-stroked-his-fingers-along-nihlus-chest) and [DeviantArt](http://calypsotea.deviantart.com/art/MEBB-They-Never-Never-Wake-Again-NSFW-539488702) (NSFW)
> 
> I would also like to send a shoutout to my wonderful (and very patient) beta-reader AceQueenKing who helped me finish up this beast. She was lovely. Any errors are of course my own.

"Will you step into my parlour?" said the spider to the fly;  
"'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy.  
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,  
And I have many pretty things to show when you are there."  
"O no, no," said the little fly, "to ask me is in vain,  
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."

"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;  
Will you rest upon my little bed?" said the spider to the fly.  
"There are pretty curtains drawn around, the sheets are fine and thin,  
And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in."  
"O no, no," said the little fly, "for I've often heard it said,  
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed."

-The Spider and the Fly by Mary Howitt

 

 

Shepard’s grip tightened on the Carnifex in her lap. She frowned before stabbing the overhead call button. 

“Commander Shepard?” the pilot’s voice buzzed through the comm speaker.

Shepard scowled. “What’s going on?” 

There was a long pause. Eventually the pilot replied, sounding uncertain, “We’re entering Virmire’s gravity well. We’ll be breaking atmosphere soon.”

Shepard tapped her fingers on the table top. She had never noticed if the Normandy entered a planet’s gravity. Even on Nihlus’ little skiff, she had never noticed any changes in the mass effect field. 

“All right. Keep me posted.”

“Of course, Commander,“ the pilot said. Her voice had returned to its regular tone: professional and impersonal as a VI.

Shepard let go of the hand canon and flicked the window blinds open. From this high up Virmire looked like a water world, blue everywhere with white wisps of clouds drifting above its surface. Shepard shook her head at Saren's paranoia and possible masochism. He could swim better than most turians, but turians swam like rocks so that wasn’t saying much.  

Glasses and datapads clattered along the table as the ship punched through the upper atmosphere. The cabin was very…Nihlus would call it ‘fancy’. Saren would call it 'well appointed'. Shepard called it ‘a little over the top’. Saren liked this kind of stuff though: cut glass, ceramic, glinting cutlery.  And the way he lavished the cabin with wood and leather felt a little like an apology. Or a lure. Shepard couldn't decide. The effect was spoiled slightly by Shepard’s folded food wrappers, datapads, her visor, and most of all herself, slouched in armour in the middle of it all. There was some metaphor for their relationship in there, but Shepard was damned if she could parse it out right now. She didn't care for this sort of thing. It didn't stop her from catching a glass before it jiggled off the table though. 

She wiggled her jaw and her ears popped as they descended towards what looked like an expanse of ocean. As they got closer she could see a tiny archipelago come into view. It was a smattering of green jewel-like islands in the endless blue. The shuttle swooped sharply. Shepard snapped the blinds shut again. She powered up her omnitool, signed on to the Spectre messaging network and found Nihlus’ profile. 

2191_11_05_13:42- KShepard logged on:  
K.S.: Of course Saren's idea of a ‘home sweet home’ is an isolated island in the middle of an ocean world in a dead-end system.   
K.S.: Not paranoid at all.

They veered direction. Curiosity got the better of her need to be in control and Shepard cracked the blinds again. She spotted AA canons as they sailed towards the shuttle port. She had to hand it to Saren; he knew how to bunker down. 

K.S.: Hope he gave you a password buddy. Cause the old man’s packing heat. 

2191_11_05_14:10- NKryik logged on:  
N.K.: Passed through Sentry about 6 hrs ago. About an hour or 2 behind you. And yes, Saren's a suspicious bastard. But you knew this.   
N.K.: And yes, I have pass codes for the shuttle port. Thanks for asking.  
K.S.: At least you get to be a big boy and fly in by yourself.  
N.K.: Perks of running a solitary ship :-P   
K.S.: Right. 

The cabin jolted as the shuttle hit the strip once, twice and then coasted.  

N.K.: You didn’t have to come of you’re still upset.  
N.K.: I know I said this would be a good idea, but it doesn’t do anyone any favours if you’re going to be bitchy. 

Shepard snorted. 

K.S.: And if _I_ had declined Saren’s invitation we would have gone from pen-pals to ‘professional associates’ faster than you could blink.  
K.S.: I’d rather take my chances now, thanks.   
N.K.: Shep…  
K.S.: Gotta run. I need to tidy up my limo. See you soon. 

Once the shuttle came to a stop Shepard rose and shoved the reports into her pack: Alliance, Eden Prime, Palaven. The Carnifex she slid into her hip holster. She hesitated over her visor. It was one thing to travel in her armour and another thing to walk up to someone’s home looking armed to the teeth. She folded and stowed the visor.

N.K.: All right. Can’t wait to see you.   
N.K.: Be nice.   
2191_11_05_14:20 - Nihlus Kryik logged out  
2191_11_05_14:22 - KShepard logged out

She smiled softly as she crumpled the wrappers and stacked the cups. She was looking forward to seeing Nihlus. Work had kept them apart for too long. 

 She wasn’t sure how she felt about seeing Saren. They’d kept in touch. ‘Pen pals’ was the best she could come up with to describe the direction their relationship had taken. Her omnitool contained folders upon folders of logged conversations: Council embargoes, political assassinations, rebellions, upgrades. It didn’t seem like he wanted things to end between them. But when Shepard managed to finagle an opening in her schedule and the topic of a visit came up, Saren was 'indisposed'. 

At first, Shepard didn’t mind. Saren was a mess after the accident. And if Nihlus’ reluctant confessions were true, Saren was atrocious in his pain and mutilated pride. Shepard didn’t push to see him. She liked her face the way it was, thank you very much.  Since she’d completed her Spectre training, they’d only saw one another three of four times a year anyway. Such was Spectre life. But six months became nine and nine months became a eighteen and twenty and then there she was sitting back and realizing ‘Holy hell I haven’t seen that asshole in almost two years’. Her stomach flipped. 

She shouldered her pack and carried the load to the galley and nearly bumped into the co-pilot. 

“Oh, there was no need to—“

Shepard waved her off. “Where do I find Spectre Arterius?”

“His assistant will meet you outside of the hangar.”

She nodded. “Thanks.”

“Certainly, Commander Shepard.” 

Shepard cut her a glare. 

The asari blanched then stammered, “Spectre Shepard. Sorry, ma’am. I, um—“

“Goodbye.”

The co-pilot scuttled away. Shepard shook her head as she clomped down the shuttle steps and was met with yet another asari.

“Ma’am,” she said.

Shepard eyed her up and down. “You’re Saren’s assistant, then?”

She smiled coyly, “You could say that.”

“Where to?” she asked instead being difficult. Nihlus would have been proud. 

“Oh, I can lead the way,” the asari said. 

Shepard was too tired to fight her on it and just fell in line. She glanced around as they left the hangar and stepped into the bright light of Saren’s island oasis. It smelled of the ocean. Not for the first time Shepard wondered why some things were the same everywhere. Oceans always smelled the same. 

“My name is Dr. Thanoptis,” the asari said after some silence. 

Shepard nodded. “Spectre Shepard,” she said. She always had to remind to people that, yes, she was a Spectre. Had been for a very long time. Commander was fine on the Normandy, but that rank meant nothing outside of the Alliance. 

Thanoptis has said something. Shepard blinked. “Excuse me?”

“I asked if you enjoyed your journey?” Thanoptis said. 

“It was fine, thank you” Shepard said, tamping her irritation.  

“Was the cabin to your liking?” Thanoptis asked. 

The irritation was not being tamped. “It was fine.” 

The gangways passed over water, waves slapped the supports beneath them. _‘Home’ my ass_ , Shepard thought. It was a damned ‘facility’. She spotted mech units in clusters of three or four. Asari and salarians directed them as they carried crates or made repairs. 

“Did you have any specific business on the Citadel?” Thanoptis asked. 

“Pardon?”

“The shuttle collected you from the Citadel, correct?”

“No specific business,” she said. In truth, it was the only place she could trust her crew to behave themselves on an extended shore-leave. Humanity was pretty spread out, but most people at least had friends on the Citadel. 

Thanoptis finally fell silent as they made their way up some winding steps half-bolted, half dug into a cliff-face. The stairs led to a landing and a set of double doors. The house was not what Shepard expected. What she had expected was a underground bunker. Or a turret-lined fortress. Or…

Her thoughts were derailed when she spotted Saren through the glass door: his black robes and black shawl were like a uniform. Her stomach felt like a Joker was piloting a free fall. Thanoptis opened the doors without knocking and ushered Shepard inside. It was very warm inside. Turians were like cats; they loved their heat. 

“Sir,” Thanoptis said. 

Saren put down his data pad and rose. “Shepard,” he said with a nod. 

“Saren.” She smiled tentatively at him. 

“Thank you,” Saren said to Thanoptis. “Please alert me when Spectre Kryik has arrived.”

“Yes sir.”

Shepard quirked a smile at Saren. “Hey.”

He flicked a mandible. “How was your journey?”

“Uneventful,” she shrugged. “The shuttle was nice.”

Another flick. “But not to your tastes.”

She huffed. 

They stared at one another for a beat before she said suddenly “Oh, um.” Shepard swung her pack down, pulled out the case from the top and handed it to him.  

He seemed surprised but she was familiar with some aspects of turian culture. Giving a gift to your host was one of them that she remembered. “I wasn’t sure what model you’re using now, but I figured ammo is pretty broadly compatible.”

Saren opened the case, examined the cryo-ammunition adaptor before he shut it with a snap and placed it on the entry table. 

“Thank you, Shepard. Please, come in.”

 

“I expected Nihlus,” Saren said as he directed her through the living room. The wall facing the cliff edge was entirely made of glass and lead to a spacious balcony. It really wasn’t what she was expecting. 

"Planning on using him as a buffer, eh?" Shepard glanced over her shoulder in time to see Saren’s mandibles flutter, as much as they were able. “He’ll be here in about an hour,” she said in an effort to put him at ease.

“I see.” There was a tightness to his voice. He wasn’t angry, but there was something there. “Turn left here,” he said. 

“I won’t bite.”

Saren huffed. Was there amusement? She couldn’t tell. Walking in front was weird. Was this a turian-guest thing?

“You may stow your belongings in the cabinet,” Saren said as they entered the bedroom. There was…a very large bed. Far too large for one person. 

“Thank you,” Shepard said as she dropped the pack. 

“Is there anything you need?”

“A shower would be nice.” Shepard had been stewing in her armour for a day and half. She may not have been in combat, but the effect was similar. 

Saren gestured to a door and said, “The bathroom is—“

“Oh wow,” Shepard blurted. 

Saren angled his head down, defiant. The out-stretched hand clenched into a fist. Shepard frowned for a second before realizing the source of his reaction: the new arm. 

She waved her hand, “No, I….” She gestured to his fringe. He had rings along the spines, even the cheek spines. They were as black as his robes and the contrast with his silvery plates was beautiful. 

Saren didn’t say anything, but his posture relaxed. 

God that was sexy. She really wanted to touch his spines. She nearly did before she caught herself. She snatched her hand back. Saren’s expression was flat. 

“Sorry.” She grinned. “They’re really sexy.” 

He continued to stare at her. 

She cleared her throat. “Right, shower. I smell like a dojo.”

Saren huffed again and this time Shepard could hear the amusement. 

 

**********

 

Saren went into the kitchen as Shepard got settled. He was surprised by her reaction to the rings.  Nihlus had bought the set citing that Saren would look 'sexy as hell'. Saren had never worn them before. They were the sorts of frivolous adornments of younger turians with the kind of sex appeal Nihlus possessed. He had felt more than a little ridiculous slipping the bands on that morning. Of course they fit perfectly. Perhaps it was worth a bit of discomfort if they were that appealing to Shepard. He wished she had touched him, even if it was forward for a guest. It would have made things easier. 

He shook his head at himself. What was he doing? Ah, yes. Supper. He collected the ingredients and laid them on the counter. His head hurt. He had vacillated for a long time about whether or not to invite Shepard and Nihlus to Virmire. It wasn’t a matter of trust. But there were larger concerns.

He was in the middle of slicing the freshly-butchered game when Shepard padded into the kitchen.    

Saren turned and she wiggled a small box. 

"I need to store this in the fridge." 

He nodded and opened the cooling unit and showed her the clean-box where she could store her medication. 

"Thanks."

She stretched and glanced around. "God, this place is nice. You must be rolling in it."

He assumed 'it' meant credits. "I _have_ explained how to invest your income--"

"You've been saving up for as long as I've been alive," she said, "give a girl time to catch up."

"Have you been following my recommendations?"

She stared up at the sky light. The her hair was loose around her shoulders, a clear sign that she was 'not working'. Her black locks was glossy in the afternoon sun.  “I didn't take your advice on Binary Helix, if that's what you're asking."

"Why not?"

She gave him the look he had come to call ‘bitch, please’. She had never said that to _him_. But he’d heard her say it enough times to pair the sentiment with the expression. "I'm not sure they want someone who trashed their precious Peak 15 and stole corporate secrets owning stocks."

"They didn't stop me,” Saren said. 

She snorted. "Of course not. But I only go where I'm wanted."

Saren nodded, sensing a deeper meaning to that sentiment than merely stock investments. He didn't want to examine it right now. "Would you like something to eat? Drink?" he asked instead. 

"I'm fine for now."

"I have coffee."

Shepard snorted as she opened and peered into cupboards idly. ”No, you don't."

He frowned both at her rummaging and at her words. Of course he did, why would he say it if he didn't? He opened the cryo-storage, pulled out the bag of beans and handed it to her. 

Her brows rose as she read the label. "Where did you get this?"

"A retailer on the Citadel."

She broke the seal, shoved her nose into the bag and groaned. 

He pulled out the coffee grinder. 

She grinned at him, but reached across him. "I can do that."

He stayed her hand, fighting the urge to be annoyed with her over this. She was human. She had never visited his home. She did not understand the intricacies of host protocol. "Let me."

She nodded and he measured out the brown-black pellets, the crackle of the coffee grinder released their aroma. He pulled the coffee maker from the corner wall, cracked the seal on a bottle of water and set the contraption up. 

When he turned, she was looking at him strangely. 

"What?"

"You can't drink coffee," she said. 

"But you enjoy it."

"So you bought a coffee maker and micro filtered water? For _your_ isolated oasis in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere?"

His mandibles drew taut. “You are my guest.“

She stared at him. Her expression was familiar, but the orange light of her eyes made him uneasy. It reminded him of his rage when she'd first been injured by someone else's incompetence. The scar around her eyes we fainter than he remembered, at least. Though if they were comparing facial scars and cybernetic replacements, she had come out relatively unscathed compared to him. 

The moment passed. 

“Dr. Nyxos does good work," she said nodding to his arm. 

His left arm flexed. "She always does,” he replied. 

"You seem to be pretty smooth with it."

"I've had it for some time." He winced internally at how long it had been since they’d last been together. 

The coffee machine gurgled behind him. 

"Nihlus told me you had a lot of physio," Shepard said.

"I do it on my own now. If I notice trouble."

She hummed and reached towards his hand. "May I?"

He hesitated before holding up his hand to her. He had not bothered wearing gloves; this was his home. 

Shepard examined the flex of the skin-analog, the joints of the fore and hind finger. She pinched the cybernetic meat of his thumb. "Can you feel this?"

"I am aware of it."

"Does it hurt?"

He shook his head. 

She lowered their joined hands her thumb rubbing circles along his palm. The information came in as binary coded intel, bare of sentiment. 

"Saren, what am I doing here?"

"Visiting."

She shook her head, her lips compressing. "I haven't seen you in a long-ass time."

“You could have."

“Not really.” 

No, not really. He hadn’t wanted her there when he fumbled and dropped and crushed things without meaning to. When he’d gone to scratch his chest and the cybernetic talons had nearly pulled one of his plates off. Not when he was snarling pain and frustration and fear. Old nightmares coming to the fore. 

"Saren?" Shepard’s expression was drifting into annoyance. 

“You’re here now.”

She nodded her gaze distant for a moment before zeroing on him. Her eyes narrowed, her inquisitor’s gaze. “What did you think I was going to do?”

Saren tried to tug his hand away but she did not let him go. This was why he wanted Nihlus here first. He didn’t examine _that_ thought too closely either. Even in the privacy of his own mind, it sounded cowardly. 

“Saren.” 

He looked back at her. Behind the creeping annoyance in her tone, there was genuine hurt. He’d hurt her. Shepard. Who had fought a krogan bare-handed and had joked afterwards that her broken ribs were ‘just a flesh wound’. Her gaze had been manic with blood-lust and high on her success. Saren had been terrified for her.

He pulled his hand away and this time she let him loose. She was very close. He wanted to put his hands on her. “When a turian is injured we—“

“Bull shit.”

His head snapped up. 

“You had no problems with Nihlus.” She huffed, but it was not an amused sound. “You thought I was going to make fun of you or something?”

“Of course not.”

She took a deep breath. “I’m putting a lot of faith in you Saren. I can’t leave here on my own. You asked me to leave my crew behind. And I did. Part of me gets it. But I think I’m entitled to some answers, don’t you?”

He frowned. “I do not have an answer for you, Shepard. But I did not think that you would be disrespectful.” He hesitated. 

She stared at him as though she was trying to sift through a lie. 

 _Nihlus would not push like this_ , Saren thought. 

Shepard smirked, “Nihlus is way more soft-hearted than I am.”

Saren bristled on Nihlus’ behalf. “You think him weak?”

“Is that what I said?” She shook her head. “Leave it to a turian to equate softness with weakness. What I meant was that Nihlus is far more tolerant to your…ways. Rubber’s soft, but it bends before it breaks.”

“I have always considered you rather flexible,” Saren said after a moment’s hesitation.

“Sometimes,” Shepard replied. Her tone sounded like an ultimatum. “What am I doing here, Saren?” 

"I would like--" He looked away. "I would like to continue where we left off."

There was a long pause. Shepard sighed and held his hand. “I’m willing to give it a shot,” she said with a squeeze. Again, the pressure registered in binary and nothing more.  

She raised her hand to his face but did not touch him. After a pause Saren leaned into her cool palm, relief flooding him. 

The coffee machine beeped startling them both. Shepard laughed. Saren watched her. 

Her laughter faded and she curled her thin fingers into the join of his mandible and jaw. She offered her forehead and again, she waited. She was always waiting. They were always waiting. Saren wondered how long they would wait for him. He swallowed and pressed his forehead to her’s. 

Shepard's breath was humid as it fanned across his face.

There was buzzing in his skull. He needed to ask her about the thing beneath the compound. "I wanted your opinion on something. Work related,“ Saren said softly. 

Shepard pulled away. “Really?” Some light had returned to her eyes. 

“I would not ask if I did not mean it.”

She stroked his neck and the plates along the back of his head. A smile teased her lips. "Can it wait?"

The buzzing intensified. 

He pulled her close. “Certainly."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update July 5th 2015: Minor edits and corrected dates in the text messages


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update July 5th 2015: minor corrections and edits

A jolt ran through Nihlus as he approached Virmire. 

“Run diagnostics,” he said. 

The VI hologram flared to life then replied, “No anomalies detected.” 

Nihlus frowned. He swore he felt…something. He couldn’t pinpoint what exactly. A bit like a shudder of biotics. He shrugged it off. It was probably nothing, just a left-over hyper-vigilience from being in the field for so long. Spirits he could use a break. 

Nihlus chuckled at the planet below. Of course Saren set up his home on a spirits-damned island.

A chime drew his attention back to the console. The compound was hailing him. He flicked on the feed.

"This is facility control," an asari voice came through the intercom, "please state your business."

"Nihlus Kryik," Nihlus replied, and then rattled off the access codes Saren had sent him. 

After a beat the asari replied, "Welcome to Virmire, Spectre Kryik. There is an opening for your vessel at dock four."

"Thank you."

"Enjoy your stay."

"I plan to," Nihlus replied. He smirked when he spotted the AA canons lining the access strip. Shepard hadn't been kidding about Saren being armed. Though, Nihlus would have been surprised the old Spectre hadn’t set up defences for his home. Especially if he was willing to invite guests. 

Nihlus _was_ surprised by the size of the place. He would no more call it a home than he'd call Shepard's Normandy a dinghy. At least there was enough room for them to spread out if the need arose. 

He programmed the VI to manage the docking once they touched down. Nihlus gathered his pack, and after the ship came to a stop he remotely powered down the VI. When the airlock doors hissed open he was greeted by balmy air and bright light. It reminded him of Palaven, on the few occasions he had visited. At least Saren had gotten the climate to his tastes. Nihlus' civvies were just the right thickness for the weather. 

An asari stood at the end of the gangway giving instructions to a mech unit. She was about late maiden by his estimation. 

She turned as he approached, waving the mech off. “Good afternoon, Spectre Kryik."

Was it afternoon? Could be morning for all Nihlus knew. That was one of the major disadvantages of space travel; his internal clock was screwed. He grinned, "Hello Miss...?"

She smiled. “Thanoptis. Dr. Rana Thanoptis. I'm head of research here on Virmire."

"A pleasure Dr. Thanoptis."

"I can take you to see Spectre Arterius?"

“That's good, I’m sure I’d get lost otherwise.“ Nihlus smiled. 

She chuckled and led the way. “It does take a bit of getting used to. Commander Shepard has arrived already."

“Oh, good.” 

Together they strode along the maze of walkways towards the outskirts of the compound.

"What do you do here, Dr. Thanoptis?"

"Mostly my work revolves around neuropsychology studies and communications research. Though I'm afraid you'll have to ask Spectre Arterius yourself. I'm not at liberty to discuss all that we do here."

Nihlus' mandibles flicked wryly. "Of course."

"I trust you had a pleasant journey."

Nihlus shrugged. "It wasn't unpleasant." He glanced at the sky; the orange sun was past the zenith. "How far off are we from sunset?"

"Oh, about," she frowned in thought, "three or four hours." 

Good, Nihlus could use some rest soon. "Is it always this nice here?" he asked relishing the warm breeze. 

"I'm not certain about elsewhere on the planet, but the island is equatorial and in the time that I've been here, the climate has been relatively stable. A few storms now and then.“

"I'm surprised the place isn't flooded with visitors," Nihlus replied. 

"The mass relay to this system only goes one way." She replied. "I imagine the lack of connectivity limits the appeal. It can be hard to get things in."

"Like?"

"Well food for one. It's all dextro life here."

"Huh."

"Though I imagine that it makes this far more comfortable for Spectre Arterius than elsewhere."

"Probably," Nihlus replied absently. Dextro-worlds were rare. It was one of the reasons turians did not expand as much as the other races. He was suddenly very concerned for Shepard. Her allergy medication was more effective than the previous mixes, on Nihlus’ ship she almost never had a reaction, but an entire dextro-world was pushing it. 

Speaking of Shepard. "How long has Spectre Shepard been here?"

"No more than an hour, I believe."

Nihlus nodded. Shepard had insisted on arriving first. She preferred to grab the ungulate by the horns, or whatever that stupid expression was. 

They made their way up a staircase towards the house. 

“Huh,” Nihlus said. 

“Sir?”

He shook his head, “I forget how traditional he is.”

“Ah.” Thanoptis touched the scan pad and the doors swung open. “Well, here you are. Enjoy your stay, Spectre.”

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." 

Nihlus stepped into the atrium. Spirits, it was Palevini. A chair, and small table with an ammo case laid out; most likely that was Shepard’s gift. There was a weapons rack by the door. It was empty, but the effect was the same. He placed his gift on the table beside the ammunition and let himself in. 

He sniffed the air, tucked his pack in the corner and moved towards the kitchen. Nihlus felt a flutter in his chest. Part of it was anticipation over seeing them and part anxiety over seeing them together. This was one of the few times that they had all been together since their relationship had started. Add to that, the fact that Saren had been avoiding Shepard for nearly two years and you had a possibly incendiary mix. Could be sexy-hot or ‘hit the deck’ dangerous.

 

**********

 

Apparently, it was neither. When Nihlus found them in the kitchen standing with brows pressed together, he was so flooded with relief that he couldn't hold back his chirp of greeting. It was a sign of how lost in the embrace Saren was that he stiffened only at Nihlus' call. His subharmonics cut off sharply. He pulled away from Shepard who turned and beamed when she spotted Nihlus.

"Hey, you!" Even after all this time, the flash of her eyes caught him off guard. Saren, he had gotten used to. His eyes had always been cybernetic for as long as Nihlus had known him.

Shepard gripped Nihlus by the arm and embraced him so suddenly that he didn't have time to decline. He chirruped an apology to Saren, who at least looked faintly amused by Shepard's forwardness. Nihlus gingerly placed a palm on her back. Then pulled away. 

"Shepard," he said, grinning. 

She slapped him on the back, "How are you doing, big guy?"

“Well,” Nihlus said stepping towards Saren, who leaned motionless against the counter and remained motionless when Nihlus offered his forehead. Saren's gaze flicked to Shepard once then tapped foreheads before glancing away. His subvocals were pointedly silent, which was more often than not a sign of his discomfort than the more obvious buzzing and thrumming most turians signalled with. 

Shepard squeezed around them towards the counter. "So, the gang's all here," she said pouring what smelled like coffee. She took a sip and her eyes fell shut. "Saren this is really good. Thanks."

Saren nodded in acknowledgement. "How was your journey?" he asked Nihlus.   

"Uneventful. I just finished a weapons drop out on Garvug."

Shepard snorted. "Nice to hear the Council’s got you risking your neck just to stir the pot."

Nihlus shrugged. "You do it too."

"Not as often as you guys," she took another drink.

Saren stared into the middle distance for a moment as though pulling up her files in his mind then nodded in agreement. “I had wondered about that.”

Shepard grimaced. "The Normandy’s staffed by forty people. Apparently I’m not capable of monitoring and controlling my crew on sensitive missions.” She flashed a mirthless smile. 

“You could just get a solitary ship,“ Nihlus said.

Shepard chuckled, “It’s not like other Spectres don’t have multi-crew vessels.”

“Those vessels are Council vessels, not part of the race’s military,” Saren replied. 

“True,” she replied. But even without subvocals Shepard could put enough weight in a single word to suggest that pushing the issue would cause a fight. Her meaning was clear: we're here for a vacation not to fight on politics so just drop it. 

“I prefer my work to have more concrete outcomes.” She took another sip, “So, I’m not complaining about _not_ getting the bait and switch jobs. It’s just funny that Council is as cloak-and-dagger as the people we shoot in the head for said Council."

Nihlus chuckled. 

"Anyway," Shepard said. "What did Santa Nihlus bring the little rebels?" 

"Small arms, for the most part," he replied, ignoring whatever cultural reference she was making. Doing that tended to keep the conversation flowing. "Nothing fancy. Just enough to keep the conflict brewing."

"Of course."

They launched into a conversation about the merits of the Council's disruptive strategies. Shepard called it ‘playing silly buggers’. Saren called it 'highly useful'. Nihlus called it ‘really fun to haggle inflated prices for shitty weapons and making a profit off the deal’. Both Shepard and Saren graced him with their trademark 'looks' and Nihlus was willing to be the fall-guy if it got them working together. Both of them glaring at him in disapproval was a little adorable. Not that he would say that out loud.

He glanced around the kitchen and caught sight of half-prepped ingredients on the counter. "You look about ready to start cooking."

Saren’s gaze flicked to the meats. “Yes.” 

"Want some help?" 

"No, thank you."

"Well you should at least keep me company while I heat up my stuff," Shepard said to Nihlus.

Saren started. "I was planning to make you a meal as well."

“Oh. It’s no trouble, I brought my own."

"I have levo food," Saren said, a frown drawing his mandibles tight. 

"Asari food's super salty, man," Shepard said. 

"I have human food," Saren corrected. 

Shepard cocked her head. "Really? Well, I'll heat it up or whatever.”

Saren scowled, this time looking hurt and Nihlus intervened, "Why don't you do what you're going to do in the kitchen and Shepard and I will go look outside."

Saren nodded, the frown never leaving his face. 

Shepard gave Nihlus an odd look. "I have--"

He shook his head and with a sigh she followed him out of he kitchen. Nihlus was hungry so he didn't want to wander far. They went out to the balcony off the living room. 

Once they were out of earshot Shepard said, "I don't know what the big deal is. I've got food."

Nihlus sighed and pulled her in by the hips, until her back was pressed against his chest. "Sometimes you have the social skills of a vanguard in combat."

She made a noise of annoyance, but let him hold her. He was grateful. He had been alone for far too long. 

"He has food. For you."

"I don't know why."

"Really?" Nihlus rested his chin atop her head. Her hair scratched at the unplated skin along the underside of his jaw.  

"I've always made my own grub. What's the big deal?"

"Saren takes care of things. It's what he does. He's trying to take care of you. As his guest in his home. Not his ship."

"Oh-kay."

"And you insisting that you brought your own is just throwing it back in his face. Cultural Lesson: if a turian offers you food, you do not decline."

"And if it's dextro?"

"No one who considers you an ally would do that. It is basically offering a guest poison."

"Ok." Shepard shifted. "So he's pissed at me now for being culturally insensitive?"

"No. Not pissed. But he's probably beating himself up for not connecting with you sooner and how you probably think he hates you if you are willing to bring food to a home visit."

Shepard groaned. "Words people. Use your words"

"I believe," Nihlus said with a smirk, "that you once called Saren 'emotionally constipated'."

Shepard snorted. "That I did. But it was years ago. I thought we'd gotten past this."

Nihlus hesitated. "He's not been the same since he lost his arm."

"Oh."

They stood in silence for a while, watching the vegetation shiver and wave in the breeze. The erratic rustling ran counterpoint to the rhythmic _swoosh-poosh_ of the ocean far below. 

Shepard squirmed and Nihlus let her go. She peeled off her hoodie revealing a tank top beneath. She tied the jacket around her waist and Nihlus was oddly excited by the way the fabric heightened the contrast between her waist and hips. He was about to stroke her waist but caught himself. He was not on his ship. He was at Saren's _home_. Food. Food first, then sex. Sex until they couldn't walk.  

Shepard glanced over the edge of the balcony and whistled. “That would be a nasty fall.”

“Well, don’t climb over the conspicuously placed guard rail,”

Shepard chuckled. “Ass.”

He grinned back at her.

She stepped close. "Hi."

"Hello."

She looped her arms around his cowl. "How are you?"

"Good." Nihlus huffed and added, "Tired."

"Aren't we all? Well, except Saren. Saren's the fucking Energizer Bunny."

Nihlus blinked confused. 

"Human joke," Shepard clarified then sing-songed, "He keeps going and going and going."

"He gets tired too."

She sobered. "I know. I'm just teasing."

He nodded. She rested her forehead on his keel. Quite a tame gesture, and not one she used to mean anything other than 'pet me'. Touching foreheads outside would be indecent. She knew that at least.

Nihlus complied. Stroking her arms and back. Pointedly avoiding her waist. They were outside, in Saren's home. Initiating that kind of contact without him around to set the tone would be impolite. But spirits it was tempting. 

He dug into the muscle of her shoulders. Right now, Shepard's back rivalled the hardness of a turian's carapace. 

"Did you get implants?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"Your back. It's like you've got plates under there."

She snorted. “I’ve got a lot on my mind”

He lowered his voice put as much soothing subvocals as he could manage, "You know you're safe here, right?"

She glanced at him. "It's nothing to do with safety. But, yeah. I know. I'm just worried about some things."

Nihlus' browplates rose. Worried? Worried was new. Worried, Nihlus did not like. 

"I don't really want to talk about it right now," Shepard said as she plopped her head back against Nihlus' chest. She grunted at the impact, she was pressing directly on his keel plate, but she didn't pull away. 

"Well, we've got a few days," he said right in her ear, his subvocals humming seductively. “I’m sure we can find way so relieving that tension.”

Shepard chuckled. 

They stayed like that for some time, Nihlus' mandibles ticking through her hair, making the dreadlocks flick around.

Saren emerged from the living room door. When Nihlus glanced his way, he was giving them an odd look. 

"Food's ready?" Nihlus asked. 

"Yes."

Shepard disengaged and smiled at Saren. She, mercifully, did not comment on the nature of the food (she never aimed to offend people she liked). There was something off about Saren's expression and it made Nihlus on edge. 

As he laid out the cutlery on the balcony table Saren said, "I'm surprised I did not find you two having sex already."

Shepard huffed. “Food first, sleep and maybe sex if I'm feeling generous.”

Saren flicked a mandible, but it wasn’t a smile.

“Do you want help with the dishes?” Nihlus asked.

Saren nodded.

"I'm not so uncultured Saren. Spirits," Nihlus whispered once they were in the kitchen, his subvocals buzzing. 

"You were practically groping her."

Nihlus reared back. "She's tired. I was comforting her." They stared at one another. "Do you want me to go? I can leave and you two can sort this shit out on your own."

Saren looked away. "No."

"Then don't imply that I would be so disrespectful, Saren." Nihlus was surprised by his anger. "I may not have grown up on Palaven, but I can adhere to guest custom as well as the next turian."

Saren's mandibles dropped, surprised as well. Then his expression changed to one of understanding. "I did not mean to imply a lack of--" Saren grimaced.

Nihlus narrowed his eyes and nodded, but his subvocals still buzzed angrily in his chest. 

Shepard must have heard some of his irritation because once they were back on the balcony she glanced at Nihlus sharply. Her gaze darted back and forth between him and Saren. Nihlus ignored her as he set the food on the table and sat down. 

"Everything all right?" she asked.

Nihlus took a deep breath and attempted to smother his subvocals. "Yes."

“All right,” she said slowly. 

"Please, help yourself.” Saren gestured to the bowls in front of her, content to ignore Nihlus for now. 

Shepard rubbed her hands together, "This looks really good Saren, thanks."

Nihlus wrinkled his nose. It looked like a lot of plant parts. "How do you run off of this stuff again?"

"Magic," Shepard replied as she piled green things onto her plate. "And an omnivore's metabolism." 

Saren snorted, but said, "You are welcome, Shepard."

In front of Saren and Nihlus was a selection of meats steamed in a way that Nihlus had not had in many years. In the face of it, his irritation receded. 

"You as well.” Saren nodded at the dishes. 

"Thank you."

Shepard peered at the dishes curiously as she munched away. "What's that?"

"Local fauna. There are no common names for them," Saren replied. 

"Right. Dextro-world." She nodded. "Well, I'm sure it's probably very tasty."


	3. Chapter 3

Saren listened to Shepard and Nihlus’s easy banter until long after the sun set and the chill of the sea breezes forced them inside. Saren met Rana at the door when she came to drop off the day’s reports: vivisections and and analyses of the artefact’s outputs. By the time Saren returned to the living room the chatter died down and both Shepard and Nihlus contented themselves to read on the opposite end of the room from Saren.

Shepard was restless for a few moments before she rested her head on Nihlus' lap. He froze and cast a querying glance Saren's way. His hands were poised away from her. Shepard grunted for another few moments, grabbed a cushion and shoved it behind her head before finally settling. Nihlus was still, awaiting Saren's acquiescence. He nodded and Nihlus rested a hand Shepard's chest beneath her breasts. But not her waist or the locks of her hair as Saren had expected.  

They did not speak, merely gestured to one another. Shepard pointed something out to Nihlus on her datapad. He smiled, affection thrumming through his subvocals. While Saren appreciated the space they gave him he longed for the ease with which they lay together. He both marvelled and reproved of the way Shepard would invade personal space with a childishly innocent disregard for guest protocol. He shook his head and returned his attention to the reports. He was having a hard time concentrating on them. It was probably the distraction of having Nihlus and Shepard around. Probably the late hour.

Aside from the occasional buzzing that seemed ubiquitous on Virmire, there was silence until Shepard' yawn punctured it. 

"But the night is still young," Nihlus said, a smile in his tone.  

"I'm not," Shepard replied.

Nihlus chuckled. "You were traveling for thirty six hours."

"I dozed a couple of times, but that was it,” Shepard said. 

Saren frowned. He had made sure that the cabin was comfortable. He had checked everything himself. 

"It's not as though you pilot the Normandy," Nihlus said.

"But Joker's under my command. And I know him."

Saren flinched. She said she trusted him by leaving her crew on the Citadel, but did she really? Did he have any right to complain?

Nihlus directed a dismissive subvocal to Saren: 'ignore her'. He smirked at Shepard and ran a gloved talon along the underside of her breast. "Bet you had your hand canon at your side the whole time."

Shepard rolled her eyes, but arched into Nihlus' touch. "You're too trusting." 

 _That is true_ , thought Saren.

"You're too suspicious," Nihlus countered.

She hummed, raised herself up and nipped at the prong of his mandible.

Nihlus gave a startled laugh but flicked his gaze to Saren again with a subvocal question. To Shepard he said, "I thought you were tired?" 

"Remember that generosity I was talking about?" 

From across the room, Saren nodded.  

Nihlus leaned forward until their faces were closer. Shepard propped herself on her elbows and her lips pressed against his mouth plates. It was very gentle for Shepard. But Nihlus always did prefer a more sensual touch and his mandibles fluttered along her cheek. She gave a smile of her own and her tongue snaked out to meet his. They did this for some time, Nihlus making tiny subvocalizations of pleasure, while Shepard sighed into his mouth. Saren swallowed, feeling the muscles of his abdomen and around his groin-plates tense. 

They parted and looked at him. He felt exposed under their joint stare and had to tamp the urge to lash out. Nihlus continued massaging Shepard's breast as he said with deferential subvocals, "Bedroom?" 

Saren held their gaze for a beat, then stacked his datapads on the side table and flicked off the lamp.

 

Once in the bedroom Saren cupped the back of Nihlus' head and pressed brow plates with him. It had been four and a half months since they had last seen one another. But still it was more recently than Shepard, whom Saren felt wary of in this context. They had never done this. All three of them. Together. He wanted to tell one of them to go away, but he didn't want either to leave. Perhaps Shepard felt the same way because she contented herself with standing on the other side of Nihlus and stroking him. She had been right; Nihlus was a buffer. 

Nihlus didn't seem to mind if the way he trilled when Saren stroked his waist was any indication. 

After some careful touching Nihlus stepped away and began shedding his clothes. They were the kind of trendy military clothing most turian men favoured. Saren, never having been in the military proper, did not bother with the style. But it looked good on Nihlus. Most things looked good on Nihlus. 

“Where are you going?” Nihlus asked as Shepard nimbly evaded his grasp.

She tapped the back of her head, “Amp.”

Saren took his time shedding his robes. Apparently too long as Nihlus and Shepard had fallen on one another again. This time their kissing was less sensual and more desperate. Saren wondered how long it had been for them. He watched, feeling out of place in his own home. Though perhaps if he and Shepard were touching one another, Nihlus would just involve himself. Nihlus _was_ making inviting sounds. 

Saren's mandibles fluttered. He moved to take the rings off his fringe. 

"Don't," Shepard said. She had broken off from Nihlus. The pair watched Saren while running their hands over one another. "I meant what I said about them being hot."

"Told you," Nihlus said with cheeky grin. With eyes locked with Saren’s, he licked along Shepard's neck. She arched her long neck, leaned into Nihlus’ mouth and that did something to Saren. But she rallied and shook her head as though to clear her thoughts. Shepard spun Nihlus around and lead him towards Saren until they were toe to toe. 

This Saren knew. This, he was comfortable with. He licked Nihlus' jaw, inhaled the coppery-spice smell at his thinnest skin. Nihlus purred, tilting his head back to bare his throat even more. That did something to Saren too. 

Saren stroked his fingers along Nihlus' chest, into the fine velvety gaps between his plates where he was most sensitive. Shepard pressed up behind Nihlus. No doubt her soft breasts were squashed against his carapace. Saren could feel her fingers tripping over Nihlus' body the same as his. Their hands met on Nihlus' waist; Shepard touched her cool fingers to Saren's bare knuckles, then along his wrist until she was stroking his arm. 

Nihlus rocked his hips forward and even though his plates were still closed, Saren could feel slickness against his own dry groin. Nihlus looked at him, through his dazed expression there was a question. Saren shook his head and tilted his own chin up slightly. Nihlus froze, startled then crooned and lavished Saren's neck with the same attention. His tongue probed at the small sensitive spots between the plates, his flared mandibles brushed and tickled. 

He stroked the back of Saren's head, minding the amp ports, and rubbed the underside of his fringe. A purr shuddered out of Saren unbidden but when Nihlus slid their hips together Saren's guard plates were sealed tight. 

Saren always had trouble...everting. High after a fight, he had little difficulty, but otherwise it was problematic. And now that he was distracted by thoughts of the artefact and the fact that he had not slept with Shepard for nearly two years, and had never slept with both of them at the same time...well. He would not call it anxiety. It was simply distraction. Right. Distraction.

Nihlus turned to Shepard, “Did you bring the thing?”

Her brows raised, but she grinned and went over to her pack.

Saren made a querying noise of his own and Nihlus just said, "You'll like it." Then he distracted Saren with nibbles along his neck and mandibles. The parts that were still organic could feel his heat and touch. 

Shepard returned and pressed herself up against Nihlus. “Lay down.”

Nihlus nodded and staggered forward, pushing past Saren to scramble through the cushions.

Shepard chuckled fondly. "Fucking turian beds. It's like pillow quick-sand."

Then Saren saw the harness around Shepard's hips and the thing jutting from her. 

“Yes?” she said, her expression sly. 

But the shape of the thing distracted him. It was pale blue, nothing unusual there, but it was smaller than a turian's and looked like a string of spheres squashed together. 

"That's not what it looks like, is it?" he asked despite himself. 

"Huh?"

Saren nodded at the strap-on. "A human...?"

Shepard burst out laughing. "Oh god, no. It's just a toy." She flicked it. "That would be hilarious."

"That's new," Nihlus said. 

"Special occasion," Shepard replied. "Turn around, honey."

Nihlus got onto his hands and knees. Saren rumbled at the sight and Nihlus cast a knowing glance over his shoulder. 

“Show-off," Shepard said as she smacked Nihlus' hip. Nihlus gestured for Saren to join them. Though if she was going to have sex with Nihlus with that thing then Saren's presence was redundant. He may as well go back to his reports. 

Shepard ran her hands down Nihlus' back and sides while Saren settled himself at the head of the bed. "God you're gorgeous," she murmured. 

He was. The way his muscles flexed. He must have exfoliated before visiting because his dark plates were glossy when he shifted. Nihlus was so beautiful that Saren didn't know what to do with him. Nihlus knew it. Shepard knew it. Saren was struck with the sudden realization that Nihlus planned to put on a show and he felt a flood of second-hand embarrassment. 

It must have come through his subvocals because Nihlus stroked Saren's calf, up along the spur and around the muscle attachment. His subvocals, all seductive rumblings, made Saren pause. Nihlus never tired of being looked at and Shepard was laid back enough to not care about being watched. It was only Saren with his hesitations. He took a deep breath and forced himself to relax. They were not trying to exclude him. They were inviting him as best they could.  

Nihlus smiled for a beat before his mandibles dropped with pleasure at whatever Shepard was doing. Saren ran a finger along his tight seam at the sight of him.  

Shepard leaned over, her chin barely clearing Nihlus' cowl. "Open up for me, sweetheart."

Nihlus grinned and ducked his head. 

"I just need a little. You can play 'keep away' as long as you want, but I'm sure you don't want me to fuck you dry."

"You couldn't have just grabbed lube."

She glanced at Saren. "I like making you work for it."

Nihlus nodded. His expression became one of concentration for moment and then relaxed. 

Shepard groaned and pulled back. "I love it when you do that."

Nihlus panted, then moaned. "Oh, Keesha." His subvocals alone made pressure build in Saren's groin. 

Saren wanted to see what she was doing but watching Nihlus' face go lax with pleasure was far too enjoyable to leave. 

After some time Shepard asked, "You ready?" 

Nihlus nodded his gaze locked on Saren. He gasped as Shepard's hips moved against his. She moved slowly. Far slower than Saren normally would. He wondered whether it was what Nihlus preferred. 

"C'mon," Nihlus said as he squirmed. 

"Don't rush. Just feel me." Shepard flattened a palm along his carapace.

Nihlus was getting frustrated, but didn't buck against her. For some reason the sight of Nihlus who outweighed Shepard by at least one hundred pounds held immobile and docile by a single hand, not even glowing with her biotics amused Saren. 

"Of course you find this funny," Nihlus grumbled. 

Shepard snapped her hips making Nihlus grunt. "I said focus."

"Kinda hard when you're taking your sweet time- oh.” He groaned and dropped his head. 

Shepard pulled out and snapped back in again. Her gaze was sharp with the kind of battle-attentiveness that Saren had never seen her use in the bedroom. She repeated the motion, a slow withdraw with a rough shove back. 

Nihlus' sides were heaving as she moved in him. Watching Nihlus' body react to her was attractive, but not nearly as erotic as his expressions. Saren wish Nihlus would lift his head. He met Shepard's keen gaze for a beat and he was ashamed that he looked away first. 

She stretched over Nihlus' back, wrapped her thin fingers around one of his fringe spines making him shudder then wrenched his head back as she picked up her pace. Nihlus gasped, his eyes clamped shut as Shepard thrust against him.

Nihlus' subvocals were a mess of arousal. Purrs and hums that resonated with Saren's vocal cavities. Saren responded instinctually and when Nihlus opened his eyes his expression was one of such unabashed affection that it made Saren uneasy. 

"Don't look away," Nihlus said, desperation colouring his tone.

He stroked Saren's ankle until he looked at him. Nihlus was rocked and jostled by Shepard's movements, but his gaze was steady. 

Shepard was sweating. "Up up," she panted, a palm on Nihlus' chest making him rear back, his body bared to Saren's gaze. 

Saren shook his head at Nihlus' still-closed plates. Even on his knees, Nihlus had remarkable self-control. Though it was only amusing when you meant to stay hidden. 

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Shepard said when her hand encountered Nihlus' seam. 

"You said I could play keep-away as long as I wanted," Nihlus panted. 

"Congratulations, you're the most self controlled turian in the galaxy. Well done, you," Shepard replied as she ran her fingers over the side of Nihlus' waist. She dug in making Nihlus shudder. 

"Keesha," he warned. He gripped her wrist.

"Nihlus," Shepard replied in the same tone. She shifted her fingers and dug again. This time Nihlus moaned. She shifted her fingers down into the crook of his waist and hip-spur and pressed in--

"Oh," Nihlus gasped as he everted suddenly. A gush of liquid dripped down the gap of his thighs, his erection slick and flushed blue. It really was unhealthy to restrict eversion in that way. 

The smell of his arousal was tangy-metallic and heady. Paired with Nihlus writhing in Shepard’s grasp; the contrast between her golden skin and Nihlus' red plates, her fingers around his erection, Saren's plates finally, finally eased. Shepard dug her fingers into Nihlus' sharp hips and thrust, thrust, thrust into him and Nihlus' beautiful face went lax with pleasure his voice carrying and resonating. Saren everted into his palm with a sigh. 

Nihlus' expression became hungry when he looked down Saren's body, when he watched Saren stroke himself. 

"Oh. Let me--"

Shepard's fingers tightened along Nihlus' chest, gripped into his keel plate and tugged him back against her. The change in angle must have done something for Nihlus because he lost himself. His erection slapping against his abdomen as Shepard's hips slapped against his backside. He touched himself, the edge of his plates, his neck. His fingers interlaced with Shepard’s at his waist. She was still prodding, still pressing into him. How Nihlus wasn't bruised inside by her attention, Saren didn't know. 

Nihlus' subvocals were becoming chaotic. Something aroused, something warning, something out of his mind with pleasure. When Nihlus came, he seemed to be the only person surprised. A shocked cry as he shuddered and shivered, ejaculate splattered onto his abdomen and chest plates. Shepard kept her pace for a few moments more. Nihlus moaned, yelled, nearly screamed with sensation. 

Saren couldn't see her. But he could hear her panting heavily behind Nihlus who looked almost drugged, he was so relaxed. Nihlus groaned once more and crawled away from Shepard and practically face planted onto Saren's hip. 

Saren squirmed as Nihlus panted against his hip, his erection. Nihlus flicked a smirk and licked Saren. Wrapped his tongue around him and flexed and stroked. Shepard, the harness discarded, crawled to lie on Saren's other side but made no move to join them.

Nihlus pulled away from Saren and reached for her. "You didn't--"

She was still panting. "If I come now I'll go straight to sleep.”

Nihlus hummed and traced the dip of her waist. "Save it to the end then?"

"Pretty much,” she said. 

Nihlus hummed and Saren felt the slick rub of Nihlus' returned erection against his calf. 

Saren stroked Nihlus' fringe, "Already?" 

"It's been a while, all right," Nihlus said. 

 

**********

 

Saren's indulgent chuckle warmed something in Nihlus' chest. But it _had_ been a long time. Brokering weapons deals was hardly the time to engage in fraternization and before that Shepard had been deep in the Traverse on a mission she wouldn't talk about. Saren had been bouncing around and unavailable. 

Shepard was watching, but not touching. That wouldn’t do. 

Nihlus leaned over Saren, copping a feel while he was at it. Nihlus kissed her and this time with Saren so close Nihlus could sense his curious gaze. Did he want to kiss? Nihlus had never bothered asking. It wasn't a turian thing to taste one another like this. Saren's palms smoothed up and down Nihlus flank making him purr. Shepard pulled back, kissed Nihlus' nose plate and stroked his face. Nihlus' eyes slipped shut at the feel of her cool fingertips. 

Saren pushed Nihlus aside impatiently and settled behind him. Saren's appreciative rumbles vibrated through Nihlus as he touched his calf, spur, thigh, hip. Shepard placed one more kiss on Nihlus’ mouth plates before curling her fingers into the join of his mandible and jaw and guiding his head down gently. He shivered. He loved doing this. She had accused him of having an oral fixation, a strange human thing. But he probably did, with the way he took every opportunity to mouth and lick at anyone who’d let him. 

When Nihlus got to Shepard's parted thighs, the hair and skin glistening with moisture, Saren began to work his way into him. Slow and steady, seeming to take a page from Shepard's book. And damn him for doing that. Shepard tugged on his jaw, demanding his attention and Nihlus gave it to her. 

He nuzzled Shepard's cunt and she moaned in anticipation. Since her medication change, he could eat her out without a barrier and feeling how swollen and wet she got was such a thrill. Spirits above, she got wet. Especially after fucking him with the harness, it practically dripped out of her. 

Asari did not become wet. Not the way turians and humans did. They were from a wet world so they became oily. Not slick and smooth and tart against his tongue. Theirs was a kind of cloying stickiness that was nice on the plates, but not in his mouth. 

Nihlus buried his tongue into Shepard, pressed as far as he could until he felt the slick hard-smooth knot of her deep inside. He flicked it gently, always gently, and her legs tightened around his shoulders. She tossed her head back and made a throaty noise that never ceased to make him shudder. 

Saren had found a rhythm now. In and out, timing perfect. Everything about him was perfect: the feel of his cock stretching Nihlus, his heat. Of course Shepard would bring the smaller of their dildos to play. Would make sure he could feel Saren when he finally pushed in. And spirits, Nihlus was grateful. It had taken long enough for Saren to relax and evert, nothing but rampant enthusiasm from Nihlus would keep him that way. 

Saren was thick inside of him. While Shepard's toy had been an interesting massage of rarely-massaged muscles, Saren's dick was hot and alive, plates and ridges rubbing up inside him, producing its own slick. Filling him. 

Saren knew how to hold Nihlus' guard plates open. Shepard hadn't quite gotten the hang of it. And the feeling of Saran's rough palms against him, the tug of shallow muscles against the plates were its own eroticism. Nihlus caught sigh of Shepard's studious expression. Likely she would repeat Saren's technique the next time they fucked. For now though, Nihlus pulled out and fluttered his tongue on her clit. She bucked as he eyes squeezed closed, her fingers scrabbling along Nihlus' skull-plates pulling him closer. 

"Oh my Nihlus," she groaned. 

His mandible flared in pleasure. Saren's pace faltered but resumes quickly, like a skipped beat. 

"My beautiful Nihlus." She stroked the underside of his fringe. 

Nihlus redoubled his efforts, flicked and licked purred against the bone beneath her sex. He nipped her folds with his mouth plates, pressed her clit between tongue and plates, his mandibles flared wide sliding across her slick thighs. His cock was heavy between his legs. His hands were busy on Shepard; he couldn't touch himself. He had to satisfy himself with the occasional pat against his abdomen as he was jostled under Saren's attention. Shepard's heel dug into Nihlus' carapace, her head was thrown back exposing her throat. 

The contrast between the hot organic and cool cybernetic palm on Nihlus' waist was strange, but Nihlus was not afraid. Never had been afraid of Saren's control. Shepard was getting close, her legs twitched around Nihlus' shoulders. He kept his pace as best he could with Saren distracting him. 

She started taking in great whooping breaths, faster and faster until she squeezed tight along his cowl. "Oh. Oh. Oh!"

Nihlus rumbled. Even Saren responded to her sounds, a deep purr twining with her cries.

Eventually Shepard angled her hips away with a grunt. 

Now that Shepard was taken care of, Nihlus let himself fall into the sensation. There was the heat of Saren along the backs of his thighs, the weight of him inside. Shepard stroked Nihlus' face and fringe. Pulled him up until his face was in line with her belly and he rested his head against her soft flesh. 

Nihlus lost track of himself. His subvocals always got a bit haywire when he was getting fucked. It had been embarrassing when he was younger, but Saren seemed to take such pleasure from his sounds, answering with his own calls at every hum and resonant purr that Nihlus didn't bother holding back. Saren was always so reserved and restrained that Nihlus would do anything to break his control even if it meant a bit of exaggeration. 

Saren shoved Nihlus's hips down until he was flat on his stomach, cradled between Shepard's legs. He stretched out along his back fucking into him and Nihlus' cock finally found friction from the sheets. He groaned. His head pressed against Shepard’s ribs, probably to the point of discomfort, but she didn't push him away. Just kept stroking lazily as Saren pounded into him. 

When Nihlus came, it shuddered out of him. Not as explosive as the one he had with Shepard (two orgasms in a day was really pushing it). But it went on and on as Saren kept at it. Unlike Shepard, Nihlus loved contact after his orgasm. It dragged it out and made him feel scraped hollow. 

A few breaths later Saren climaxed. His fingers, both real and synthetic, dug into Nihlus' waist, his forehead pressed against the back of Nihlus’ carapace. Nihlus held his breath to keep quiet so he could hear the sounds Saren made when he came. They were such soft, fragile things. His subvocals and his voice harmonized into shuddering tones. 

Some time later, Saren pulled out and away. He was silent and Nihlus expected him to say something awkward, but Shepard beat him to the punch. 

"Ho-ly," she sighed. 

Nihlus laughed into her cool abdomen. Even Saren chuckled, though his subvocals sounded uncomfortable.

Shepard stretched and flapped her legs trying to move Nihlus. “I need to shower."

"Mmm." Nihlus nuzzled her. 

"Crotch rash is not sexy. Move."

With a groan, Nihlus rolled out of Shepard's way and ended up sprawled on his back. He must have dozed a bit because he opened his eyes at the feel of something warm and wet brush the edges of his groin-plates. 

"You would really sleep with semen all over yourself, wouldn’t you?“ Saren chastised though his tone was amused as he ran the cloth over Nihlus.

"Well, I've got yours all--"

"Please spare me." Saren said. He shook his head. "You have been spending too much time with Shepard."

"Hey, I was crude before I met Shepard."

"No. You were not. You were respectful to the point of fearfulness."

"I was crude in my head," Nihlus grumbled. 

Saren smiled softly. 

The only sound for some time was the patter of the shower, Shepard's strange humming (human music she called it), the quiet scrub of the cloth as Saren cleaned him. 

"Did you like the show?" Nihlus asked.

Saren's expression became...complicated. His subvocals broadcasted that strange embarrassment, his face stoic as ever except for tension around his eyes. "It was erotic," he said finally. 

"Way to sap the sexiness out of it," Nihlus replied with a laugh. 

"Watching you was...erotic."

"Yeah?"

Saren frowned. "I do not need to tell you that you are attractive, Nihlus."

Nihlus stretched his arms behind his head, his abdomen and pectoral plates shifting in a way he knew Saren liked. "I could stand to hear more."

Saren shook his head and dug the cloth between Nihlus plates. He really had made a mess of himself. 

“And Shepard?” he said.

“Hmm?” Saren hummed.

“She’s pretty hot when she’s screwing me, right?”

Saren snorted. “Fishing for compliments for someone else is certainly new.”

Nihlus flicked a mandible, but didn’t reply. 

After Nihlus was wiped clean Saren prodded him into standing as he stripped the top sheet. When Shepard came out of the bathroom, only partly dried from her shower she chuckled at the bed. "I was wondering who'd get stuck in the wet spot."

Nihlus rolled his eyes but Saren frowned. "Wet spot?"

Shepard grinned. "The spot with the _mess_."

Saren grimaced. 

"Though it was good of you to put a tarp down for Nihlus," she said as she approached the bed.

"Tarp?" Saren said. And he really was walking right into it. 

"To deal with Nihlus' enthusiasm."

Nihlus smashed a hand into Shepard's face while simultaneously dragging her down. 

He enveloped her in arms and legs as she mock-struggled. "Nihlus can be very enthusiastic,” she said academically, muffled by his palm. “It gets everywhere.” 

Saren shook his head as he folded the top sheet and tossed it into a corner. 

"It's true," Shepard said. 

"I had forgotten how colourful your language could be,” Saren said as Shepard and Nihlus wrestled good-naturedly. 

"That's cause you haven't spoken to me outside of the messaging system since the epoch of space-flight,” Shepard replied with a grunt as Nihlus pinned her. 

Saren looked away from their struggle and Nihlus felt a little bad about it. Saren wasn't one for physical contact if he could avoid it and the entire basis of Nihlus and Shepard's relationship was almost constant physical contact. Nihlus loved it. He lifted Shepard, plopped her onto the other side of the bed and reached out to Saren. It was a small enough gesture that it could be ignored without causing a scene. 

Saren looked at Nihlus' outstretched hand, stroked it with his fingertips but pulled away. "I need to take care of some business."

"For how long?" Nihlus asked. 

"Not long." He grinned wryly. "Please spare the sheets more of your enthusiasm if you wouldn't mind."

Nihlus stuck his tongue out at Saren who reared back confused. 

"Atta boy," Shepard muttered; the tongue thing he'd picked up from her. Her eyelids were getting heavy. She'd stopped fighting some time ago and just gripped Nihlus' arm for show. "Fight the power," she slurred. 

Saren huffed, but ran his knuckle along his jaw. He brought his hand close to Shepard, who was beginning to doze, but thought better of it. With a sigh he took a seat at his desk and become absorbed in whatever work he had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated July 6th 2015: minor typos


	4. Chapter 4

The following morning, Shepard set up a towel on the balcony and went through her routine with the rising sun warming her skin. God, it was good to be planet-side. Even the Citadel couldn't match the glory that was an actual sun, skin cancer be damned. She was in the middle of push-ups when footsteps approached. Saren, if she had gotten the cadence right. She glanced at the door on the upward push, held it and grinned. "Hello."

Saren leaned against the door, arms crossed, staring at her bare torso and that made Shepard pause. She was wearing shorts and a sports bra. This wasn't her ship she chided herself. She pulled out of the plank-pose into a crouch and peered at him. 

"You want me to cover up?" she asked, gesturing to her sweaty shirt piled in the corner. She understood some of the basics of turian etiquette, but the subtleties were lost on her and she simply had to trust Nihlus and, yes, even Saren to tell her if she was putting her foot in it. 

Saren nodded and glanced away. 

Shepard pulled the ratty t-shirt on and rolled up the sleeves. She didn't understand the waist thing. She thought it was the waist thing. Turians wore fitted clothing that showed off their waists all the time, but Shepard supposed that it was like boobs. Yeah, you can wear a low-cut top, but if you whip them out when you weren't about to breastfeed people were going to give you funny looks. 

She stayed crouched. "What's on your mind?"

His robes, pale grey this time, fluttered about him in the breeze that probably bore the dextro-pollen and microbes and dander of a thousand living things that were going to end up killing her. He wore his usual shawl. Shepard wondered if it was a cabal thing or just a Saren thing. 

"You called him 'yours'," he said after the silence had stretched. 

"Uh."

Saren looked irritated. "Last night. You said 'my Nihlus'."

"So?"

"I do not think it's appropriate to be so proprietary of him. I know that humans can be possessive..."

"Proprietary--?" She shook her head and glanced past his hip towards the empty living room. Nihlus would sleep until evening if you let him. Especially when he was on his down time. She lowered her voice anyway. "I don't know if you've noticed, but Nihlus has some abandonment issues. I know damn well that Nihlus will fuck anything with a pulse. I don't expect anything more from him than the decency to not give me the clap."

Saren frowned at her. 

"A venereal disease," she clarified.

"Turians do not--"

"Nihlus will seriously fuck _anything with a pulse_. I don't know what kind of vaccinations you guys get in the military, but I doubt it covers interspecies stuff. I'm not judging. I don't care. Not in the way you seem to think."

Saren still looked troubled. Or at least Shepard thought he looked troubled. She could pick up a faint subvocal buzz but Saren was the hardest turian to read. Even Nihlus emoted. Though whether Saren's lack of expression was a personal tick or a consequence of his cybernetics, Shepard hadn't a clue. 

"Look," she said, "I like it when he hums and purrs and smiles at me. Calling him 'my Nihlus' makes him do all of those things. It makes him happy. I don't own him anymore than I own the sun. I just--" she flopped her hands, "I like making him happy. He's had enough of people pushing him away and making him feel like shit."

Saren grimaced and Shepard ignored him. This wasn't about his guilty conscience.  

"I don't want that between us," she said. "And if calling him 'mine' makes him happy, Imma keep doing it. And you can keep scowling away but I'm not going to stop making him happy 'cause you disapprove." How were they arguing already? It's been less than 24 hours and they're already snarking at one another. 

"You are not intending to be possessive?"

"Honestly, I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's just a pet name. Like 'honey' or 'sweetheart'. I like it. He likes it. We all fucking like it. Except for you. You don't like anything." She added that last bit with a smirk. _I don't want to fight._  

"I don't dislike--" He hesitated, his expression pained. 

Shepard rolled her eyes. "I'm not fishing for compliments. Jeez. Lighten up."

"Have you ever known me to be light-hearted?"

Shepard huffed. "That's not a word I would use to describe you. No."

Saren flicked a mandible. That was amusement. She knew that one. "Anyways. Unless you've not got anything else to berate me about, I need to finish my workout."

Saren nodded but didn't leave right away. Shepard ignored him and went back to her push-ups. If he wanted to look, let him look. It was his house.

She was up to her silent count of forty when Saren finally said, "You are doing well for yourself."

Shepard frowned, lips moving silently on _forty-one, forty-two_. 

"As a Spectre."

Shepard's frown continued. _Forty-three, forty-four_.

"I've been reading your reports."

Shepard chuckled silently and glanced up at him. Of course Saren would read her Council reports, but never think to call her to ask about a mission. "Yeah?" she said.  

Saren nodded. 

She waited for something, anything else. 

There was a long pause.

Finally, he said, "There is food when you are ready." Then went back inside. Shepard shook her head at his retreating form but continued with the routine. 

 

**********

 

Saren was catching up on his reports in the living room when Nihlus finally emerged later that afternoon.  

He chirped in greeting and Saren didn't hold back his answering smile. 

"Aww, you can't work while you're on vacation," Nihlus flopped onto the couch beside Shepard. 

"Watch me," Shepard said.  

Nihlus reached for one of Shepard's datapads on the seat beside her. Without looking she swatted his had away. Nihlus made an overblown wounded sound. Saren shook his head and returned to his reports.

He immersed himself in the coding algorithms. He needed Shepard's input on this. It wasn't that he couldn't handle code, he just preferred not to. And it was more and more difficult to concentrate on the lines of text. He would have to get Dr. Nyxos to examine his cybernetics. 

"I'm bored," Nihlus moaned.

Shepard snorted. "What are you, five?"

"We should do something."

"We are doing something," Saren said distracted. If Shepard agreed to help with the project, he would have to grant her clearance to the observation room. Rana would have to delay her contact experiments. Shepard wouldn't like those, Saren was sure of it. 

"Something interesting," Nihlus countered. 

Saren sighed and closed his eyes. "What would you prefer to do?" he asked after he'd given himself a moment. Saren could work all the time. It was not often that he saw Nihlus. 

"You're indulging him?" Shepard said. 

Saren's mandible flicked at Nihlus' forlorn look. 

"We're supposed to be here to relax," Nihlus said. 

Shepard seemed to deflate a little at that. "You know what I'm like, Nihlus."

He sighed and draped himself over her. She grunted, but fit herself around him rather than shove him off. Nihlus caught Saren's gaze and froze with uncertainty. 

Saren shook his head. _It doesn't matter_.  “There are trails across the island," he said. 

Nihlus perked up. "Ooh. Let's go for a walk."

"So now you're a puppy," Shepard said. But she was smiling. 

Nihlus snatched the datapad from her. 

"Hey!"

"Walk now. Work later." He tossed it onto the table and dragged her to her feet. 

 

 

Saren had commissioned the trail some time ago and the mech units maintained it on a regular basis. Some of the researchers used it to gather specimens, and Saren found it an excellent way to unwind. Shepard and Nihlus may think him addicted to his work, but organics needed rest and recuperation or failure was inevitable. The loss of his arm was testament to that. Creatures chirped and squawked on the ground and in the canopy. 

"Come on, Shep," Nihlus said. "No one doesn't like being planet-side."

"It's nice to be planet-side and not have to fight for my life, I guess."

"That's the spirit," Nihlus said. 

"Not really," Saren said. 

Shepard flashed him a grateful smile. 

She and Saren maintained an easy pace. There was no rush. Nowhere to be. But Nihlus darted this way and that. He marvelled at a flowering vine, then chased something that chittered overhead before becoming distracted by the starchy smell of pollen in the distance.

"He's like a little kid," Shepard said.

Nihlus rarely spoke on his life before they had met, but there were fragmented confessions Saren had hoarded over the years. There had not been many living things on the station where Nihlus grew up. It had been hard for Saren to believe -- even among the lowest castes of Cipritine, there were public green spaces. But Nihlus hadn't seen a tree until he was in Basic at seventeen; hadn't seen an animal that wasn't a varren until his first tour.  

Saren wondered whether it was his place to tell Shepard about Nihlus' upbringing. But her indulgent smile suggested that she already understood Nihlus' enthusiasm. At least in part. 

"Hey, I found something," Nihlus called from the underbrush. 

Shepard gave Saren a questioning glance. He shrugged and together they followed the sound of Nihlus' voice. 

"It's got a net."

Nihlus stood in front of what indeed looked like a net made of fine threads that stretched from the ground to the low branches of a sappling The creature in the middle was diamond shaped and the size of Saren's fist. Its pincers twitched as they drew closer, but otherwise it remained motionless. 

"Oh, joy," Shepard said. "You found a spider."

"A what?" Nihlus asked. His expression was of unabashed excitement. 

"It's an Earth-bug. It spins webs and catches other bugs"

Saren gave her a look and she rolled her eyes. 

"Fine, a spider-like-thing."

"Where did the thread come from?" Nihlus asked. His bare fingers were barely an inch from the web.

"Their butts, I think."

Nihlus' hand froze. 

"It's not poop. It's like some kind of polymer. I don't know. You know I don't give a shit about this stuff."

It was true. Shepard's concerns regarded nature were limited to: 'can it kill me?', 'can I kill it?' and 'can I eat it?' She was practical like that.

Nihlus pulled his hand away and gave the web a calculating look. "It eats bugs?"

"Maybe. On Earth they do. But this could eat birds for all we know.”

Of course she would only think to describe new creatures as just Earth animals somewhere else.”

 “Bird-like things. Whatever, Saren."

"Hold on," Nihlus said and darted off. 

Shepard leaned in to get a closer look at the animal. "Hmm. It's like a crab."

"You realize I have no idea what that is," Saren said. 

"They have pincers. They live in the ocean. They're pretty tasty. You eat the legs."

"Hmm."

Rustling in the underbrush heralded Nihlus' return. "Ok."

In one hand he held what looked like a jointed worm with hundreds to pointed, thrashing legs.

Shepard recoiled. "What are you doing?"

"You said it eats bugs," Nihlus replied. 

"I said it _might_ eat bugs. Don't put that on there."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

They both turned to Saren. 

He shrugged. "I have never seen this creature before. I am curious."

Shepard took a step back. "You guys heard about what curiosity did to the cat?"

Nihlus cast one more look at Saren before he tossed the bug onto the web. It struggled but only became more and more entangled. The threads glistened and the trapped creature bucked once, twice and stilled. The spider-crab didn't move. 

Nihlus frowned. "That was anticlimactic."

Even Shepard seemed to relax. 

The creature in the centre of the web hissed, and they all jumped back. The sound dragged on into a sustained rattle. Saren and Nihlus cocked their heads. 

"Ah, shit!" Shepard staggered back.

Saren's gaze was drawn to movement in the trees. Smaller versions of the spider-crab were marching along the edge of the web converging towards the middle. There were dozens of them.

"Fascinating," he said. 

"No, it's horrific. And they're climbing on me. I'm out," Shepard said and fled.

They were indeed crawling towards Saren and Nihlus. "Let's go."

"But they're supposed to eat it," Nihlus said sadly.

"Or they could be venomous and defending their nest."

With a sigh Nihlus trudged out of the forest behind Saren. 

They found Shepard in the clearing shaking her hair and patting herself vigorously. "Ugh!"  

"Are you scared of arthropods, Shep?" Nihlus asked. 

"What?" she snapped. 

"Exoskeletons and jointed limbs," Saren said as he flicked one of the creatures off his shoulder. 

Shepard straightened and glowered at them.  "I am not scared. I do not like them. Not little ones that can get into places. I prefer my enemies big enough to shoot, thank you."

Nihlus beamed. "You're so violent." Though his tone was more appropriate for the statement ' _you're so adorable'_. 

Shepard’s glare intensified. 

Saren was about to comment when his omni pinged. 

 

R.T.: I'm conducting a trial if you wish to observe. I also have the scanners calibrated for your use.

 

Nihlus was 'helping' Shepard pick the spider-crabs off her. She eventually waved him away. 

Saren typed a reply, 

S.A.: On my way.

 

"There is work that needs addressing," he said. 

Shepard paused and gave him an expectant look.

"You know your way back," Saren said. Shepard looked away. 

"How long will you be?" Nihlus asked. 

"Several hours. I'm afraid you will have to entertain yourselves."

Nihlus trilled, a seductive note at the end. Saren rolled his eyes and nodded. Nihlus must proposition Shepard constantly when they were together. Though Saren appreciated that he was at least observing proper guest protocol rather than dry-humping her when the mood took him.

Shepard, oblivious to the exchange, was still carefully checking her arms and legs, avoiding both their gazes. Nihlus tapped his brow to Saren's cheekily and darted away before Saren could protest at the impropriety.  

Nihlus grabbed Shepard dragged her away. "You got them all. Stop worrying."

"You're an asshole, you know that?"

"Yep."

"Bye Saren," she called without looking back.  

Saren watched him go. He longed, for a moment, to join them. Low buzzing shivered along his mandibles along with a tension at the back of his skull that made him grimace.

They would have to wait. It was not often that Thanoptis acquired subjects for these tests and Saren had not made direct observations for some time. Yes. That was right. He nodded to himself then made his way to the below-ground facility. 

It was only after he started the descent down the elevator that he realized that in all the time they were together, he hadn't heard a hint of buzzing. 


	5. Chapter 5

Once they were inside, Nihlus attached himself to Shepard like she had her own gravitational field.

"I don't think so," she said. 

He nipped her ear with his mouth plates. "But why not?"

"You threw spiders at me."

"They just found you irresistible."

She huffed, "Worst pick-up line ever."

He nuzzled the side of her neck and crooned. The sound was both soothing and hot as hell. "Let me make it up to you then."

She resisted for about half a millisecond before letting him lead her to the bedroom. She peeled off her shirt and wrestled with her sports bra as quickly as she could. 

Nihlus purred at the sight of her bare torso. He ran his hands along her belly, cupped her breasts. Turian palms were velvety, far softer than Shepard had ever expected. By the time he began to peel down her shorts Shepard felt more than a little damp.  

"You're not usually one for taking your sweet time," she said stroking his fringe.

He muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'payback' as he tossed her shorts over his shoulder and pushed her down onto the bed. 

She chuckled. If he wanted to get back at her by taking his time, she wasn't going to complain. Especially not when he was lowering his head to her breasts. When he was curling that long dextrous tongue around her nipple, flexing and squeezing it gently. She dug into the soft skin beneath his fringe-spines and his answering purr vibrated through her chest. 

He pulled away and she grumbled, annoyed when he got off the bed and went to the cabinets. Shepard blinked and got on her knees to go after him, confused until he dropped the condom on the bed. At least one of them had their heads screwed on straight. He grinned and began to strip. 

Turian clothing was too complex to peel off while half-reclined. There were too many toggles and buttons and latches. Nihlus' clothes, anyway. Saren's robes were simple enough. Not that she'd had a chance to undress him in some time, but whatever.

"I'm surprised you're not making a show of it," Shepard said. 

He shimmied out of his trousers with a grin. "Who says I'm not."

Nihlus' body was still alien and strange, but some things worked for her. His broad chest was hard and masculine, but his wasp-thin waist and flared hips were damn near girlish. It was bizarre and arousing and Shepard had grown to love it. It was so different to Saren whose broad shoulders and narrow hips made him look male in a more human sense. 

Once Nihlus had shed his clothing he joined her back on the bed. His expression predatory in a way that should set off alarm bells, but just got her even hotter. 

"C'mere," he rumbled. 

For someone who did not have lips, Nihlus was very good at kissing. He was careful with his teeth and his lovely tongue flicked hers with the faintest of pressure. His mouth plates were warm when he flexed them against her lips. 

His plates were closed, but Shepard could feel a bit of slick rubbing against her belly where he was seeping out.

She chuckled, "You're gonna give yourself a hernia with the way you keep holding back like that."

"Hmm?" He already sounded dazed.

She slid her fingers along his tight seam and the muscles beneath his plates twitched. 

He mouthed along her jaw, rocked his hips into her touch. "Want me to open for you?"

 "Yeah. But," she said, pulling away. "If you want to hurt yourself to make a point, go right ahead. I'll get off either way."

He laughed and tugged her close. "A simple 'yes' would have been enough."

She hummed. 

"Is that a yes?"

Shepard traced his mandible slowly. His green eyes were so bright against his plates. "Open for me, sweetheart."

Nihlus' eyelids fluttered, he grunted softly and was suddenly hot and hard in her palm. He thrust slowly into her loose grip, the tip sliding along her stomach. 

He buried his head in her neck. “You're so soft."

"That still surprises you?"

He huffed and wrapped his arms around her to grope her ass. The tips of his talons pricked making her shudder. 

He hesitated.

"It's fine. It's good." She wished for more. 

When Nihlus pulled away the second time Shepard didn't complain. He snagged the condom from the nightstand and tore the wrapper open. Shepard marvelled, not for the first time, at the fact that his talons didn't slice the condom. 

Nihlus sat against the head of the bed and gestured to Shepard to join him. She settled in his lap. His cock was so hot trapped between them. 

She chewed her bottom lip to keep quiet but Nihlus thumbed at her mouth. 

"Don't hold back," he said. "Let me hear you." He rubbed his erection against her roughly and she gasped. 

"Saren--" She didn't know 'what' about Saren. But this was his house and they were sneaking a fuck like horny teenagers. It seemed rude to yell, like a breech of trust. 

Nihlus ran his hand up and down her waist. "Don't worry about that. He's fine. He’s fine with this.”

She tried. 

Nihlus gripped her hips and thrust against her. She responded in kind, undulating in his lap, rubbing her clit against the ridges and bumps she could feel even though the condom. 

Nihlus sped up, but the rhythm was perfect. He was always perfect. 

She bit her lip as she got close, feeling a little guilty that they were in Saren's bed without him. She shook it off as best she could. But when she came it was a muted thing; her muscles locked up and she tossed her head back. She was vaguely aware of Nihlus licking and nibbling her neck, but mostly she was trying to chase the fleeting feeling, trying to drag it out with abortive jerks of her hips until it became too much and she had to get off him. 

He rolled after her as she flopped to the side. "Don't go."

She laughed between panted breaths. "Give me sec."

He hummed and continued his exploration of her neck; she angled her head to give him better access and for some reason that always made him shudder. 

Once her breathing had slowed down a bit she stretched and ran a finger over herself experimentally. "All clear."

Nihlus snorted. "Of course you use military speak in sex." He crawled over her anyway despite his complaining. 

"Quit your belly-aching."

He rubbed his dick along Shepard's sex for a moment but, as always, he hesitated. Shepard reached down and lined him up. His tip pressed into her slightly, then he took control and sank in. And God, that first push was always the best. When everything was slick and taut and he felt massive stretching her open. Even if her orgasm was kind of shit, sex afterwards was pretty amazing. 

"Oh.” He kissed her and began to thrust. Slowly at first, then faster. Shepard couldn't hold the sounds back now. Nihlus pressed his brow to hers; he couldn't kiss her when they were fucking this fast. Not with his teeth. He was making noises too and each harmonic exhale was hot across her lips.

Shepard ran her palms over the hard curve of his carapace, over his hip spurs and down to his ass. When she pulled at his guard plates like Saren had done, he threw his head back, mandibles slack, and groaned.

She tugged again. His rhythm faltered. The noises he made were continuous now: purrs and soft melodic groans. Every inhale, every exhale. 

He ground his brow into her collarbone. Thrust in deeply. Shuddered.

 "Oh, Keesha." 

 

**********

 

Shepard's sigh was so at peace with the world that Nihlus felt a little bad about pulling out. By the time he got back from discarding the condom, Shepard was flopped on her belly. She smiled as he sat beside her and stroked her back from the smooth planes of her shoulder down to her strange, round backside.  

"Saren said he wants me to help him with his work," she said after some companionable silence.

"That's good," Nihlus said. Shepard and Saren worked well together. "Why didn't you go with him today, then?"

She shrugged.

 _He hadn't invited her and she's getting tired of asking_ , Nihlus thought. "Did he say what with?"

"Nope."

"You should just offer to go with him, next time."

"I'd rather not get shot down, if it's all the same to you. If he wants me, he'll ask for me."

Nihlus sighed. "I didn't come out here just to watch you two dance around one another."

"Of course you did." Shepard rolled onto her back. "I'm sure it beats snarling with krogan rebels."

Nihlus' eyes zeroed in on her chest. Breasts were weird and squishy, but the areolas were such a lovely contrast. Shepard's especially. Her dark brown nipples were stark against the golden cast of her skin. 

"You want to go again?" he asked. 

"No thanks. But it's good to know that _you_ find me appealing."

Nihlus took a moment to digest this. He thought back to the night before; Saren had focused all of his attention on Nihlus. He wasn’t certain how to respond. 

Fortunately, Shepard kept on talking, “So he invites me here and says he wants to ‘pick up where we left off’ but doesn’t seem interested in me professionally or even…” she made a gesture at her hip. 

"Don't take that personally,” Nihlus said. “Saren is many things. ‘Sex-fiend' is not one of them."

That at least got a smile out of her.

 "And he's surprisingly bad at initiating."

“Really? He just crowds me up against a wall after we're done fighting and do that question-mandible-flick thing. I'm usually too amped-up to say no. So it's 'game-on'."

Nihlus grinned and shook his head. Of course Saren would only initiate with Shepard when he was battle-high. 

"Is that what you expected?" 

She didn't reply.

"Just offer if you want it," Nihlus said. "If he doesn't want to, he won't be a dick about it and then he'll at least know you're interested. You’d have jumped me already if you wanted it.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, you and Saren have slightly different personalities.”

Nihlus laughed. “Yeah, but even before you must have offered. You’re not that passive.”

Shepard rose onto her elbows, "I'm trying to give him some space. You know what he's like when he feels pressured.” She shook her head. “We can't even talk without getting into a spat. I'm not even sure what I'm doing here."

They were quiet for a long time after that. Shepard flopped back onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She wasn't used to failure. She was the hardest working human Nihlus knew and she was used to success. It's why he nominated her for Spectre candidacy. 

"Do you think that things would have been easier if you had trained with me?"

"No," she replied immediately, frowning. "No. Saren and I would have been at each other's throats. We came to an understanding during my training. Immersion therapy if you will," she said with a wry smile. "I might have slept with you, but I wouldn't have given Saren the time of day. He wouldn't have given me an iota of respect. We would never be able to be together in the same space. Not like this. We wouldn't have come to..." she grimaced. "...Care for one another. Not without that understanding." She paused. "Come to think of it, you would have probably given up on him too if things hadn't gone the way they did."

Nihlus nodded. "Just try," he said. "What's the worst that can happen?"

"I seem to remember you asking that question earlier today," she said. 

Nihlus smiled. She was trying to joke, that was good. "Let's say that by the end of this little vacation, you two don't initiate with one another. Is that so bad? You've seen each other, finally. We've had a chance to be together. That counts for something, right? There's no pass-fail here."

She stared at him for a long time. The afternoon sunshine streamed through the windows so brightly that Shepard's cybernetics barely glowed. He was surprised by how soft she seemed without the orange lights.

"You're so eager for us to be one big happy family." She shook her head with a smile. "We kill for a living, honey. We're not nice people."

He stroked her leg idly for a few minutes. The fine hairs caught against his palm. 

Nihlus said finally, "That doesn't mean we can't be happy."


	6. Chapter 6

Saren found the experiments to be a disappointment. At least Rana was not apologetic; Saren liked that about her. Others would be kow-towing and apologizing, perhaps even trying to doctor the results into something that made him happy. He wished all scientists would be as efficient as Rana, who did not fear him. Rana would look disappointed, but her only deference to him was to  shrug and say, "I'll modify the parameters and see if that makes a difference." He preferred her approach to lying. 

As Saren began preparing the evening meal, his thoughts over whether or not Shepard should observe the artefact were conflicted. He wasn't certain whether his predictions were correct, now. Fortunately, his own brain scans had proved stable so that was one positive to take from the day's work. Perhaps with the shielding Shepard's exposure would be a non-issue. Yes. That was right. 

It was not until Shepard and Nihlus emerged from the bedroom that he felt some of his tension ease. Shepard's skin was so soft that it was crushed when she slept. Thin lines creased her cheek from the pillows. She smelled of medicated soap, Nihlus of musk and sex. He flicked a cheeky grin, which Saren ignored. This time when they offered to help in he kitchen, Saren accepted. Their chatter was a pleasant background to the evening. In their company, the buzzing faded.

 

 

Saren rose early the next morning, leaving Nihlus still half-covered  in the sheets. He expected to find Shepard doing her exercises on the balcony, but instead he found her mat spread out, but she wasn't there. He found her in the kitchen leaning heavily against the counter and wheezing, a medi-pen in her grip. His talons clicked on the tile as he approached and her head snapped up. She held his gaze for a beat before looking back her bared stomach. 

She was hunched defensively as she scrubbed a spot on her belly with antiseptic. She yanked the caps off with her teeth, pinched the skin and pressed the pen in. There was a click then a hiss. Shepard winced. 

It took some time for her breathing to stabilize. 

Saren moved past her, giving her a wide berth and pulled a bottle of water from out of the fridge. He did not comment on the way her hands shook as she accepted it. Nor on the way she guzzled it; it drained out of the corner of her mouth. 

When she opened her eyes, her expression was less mistrustful and Saren felt a knot of guilt, hot in his gut. He wanted to comfort her. Wanted to apologize for… a lot of things. But Nihlus was always better with those kinds of words.   

Instead he said, “I can set up a cot.” 

Hurt flashed across her features. Damn. 

"If you’d prefer,” she replied with a shrug.

"I meant that it may provide you with relief. While you sleep." He floundered. "From allergens."

She relaxed. “No. I usually manage fine. It's probably all that fresh air yesterday. With pollen and dander and-- well it's a dextro-world."

Shit. "Perhaps you should stay inside."

"Probably for the best. I've got reports to get caught up on."

"I could use your help," Saren said just as Shepard added, "But I could probably--"

She gave a surprised smile. "Oh. Yeah. Sure. With your research?"

"Yes."

"I can help."

"Good. Get changed. I will make you something to eat," Saren said pulling out the coffee maker from the cupboard.

"All right. Where are we headed?"

"Beneath the compound."

 

**********

 

Saren lead Shepard by the hand through the maze of walkways. It was sweet if a little patronizing. As though she'd get lost, or try to run away. Though for a turian, handholding was practically a confession of undying devotion, right?  She resisted the urge to shake him off. The fact that he actually asked for help spoke volumes.

The only sound aside from the _clong clong clong_ of their footfalls was the distant swoosh of waves. As they moved further away from the house, they ran into more and more staff and more mechs.

"So?" Shepard said.

"I have been conducting...research," Saren said. 

"I gathered. What sort?"

"Communications."

Shepard snorted. 

He gave her a questioning look.

"I just expected you to reply, 'more efficient ways to blow things up'."

A mandible flared. "I fund that sort of work as well. But this facility is focused on some cybernetics, but mostly communications."

How much money was Saren sitting on, exactly?

"What kind?" she asked instead. 

"EM waves. Light, as a way to communicate directly between individuals."

"Is this so that you can threaten people more effectively?"

Saren gave her a look somewhere between exasperated and reluctantly amused. Yeah, they'd be all right. 

Shepard squeezed his hand smiling. He did not wear gloves here and his palm was warm and a little rougher than Nihlus'. 

As they entered a building Shepard asked, "Like the protheans?" 

"Pardon?"

"The prothean beacons used light to communicate directly between people. At least that's what I've read." She scowled as she remembered her reports.

"Something like that," he replied. But his tone said, 'not here'. 

They reached an elevator and Saren released her hand. He keyed in a complex string of turian digits and then placed his real palm on the scanner pad. An elevator.

Once the doors slid shut soundlessly Shepard crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. "Alright, whatcha got?"

Saren faced the elevator door, hands linked behind his back. "I recovered a prothean artefact."

Shepard gaped. "And you didn't hand it to the Council?"

Saren glanced her way then back at the door.

She waited for a beat. "''Cause I remember very clearly being told that the Council  is in charge of prothean artifact research so that it can benefit the wider galactic community."

His expression was stony.

"Oh, not that I'm sore over that Eden Prime beacon or anything. I'm not sore that  we fought waves of batarians just to deliver that beacon to the Council for safekeeping and research. That one no one's heard or seen since then. That beacon."

She was deeply troubled by the beacon situation. Especially when coupled with the possibility of in-fighting among the Council races. While she hated the fact that she was essentially serving two masters with the Alliance and Council, she liked her masters to at least have their shit together. It wasn't too much to ask, was it?

She shook her head. "Why haven't you gone to the Council with your discovery?"

Saren's jaw worked. In a human she would just see the muscles flexing under skin. In Saren, Shepard could see his teeth clamp and release, clamp and release, his mandibles pulled down to bare them. 

"The Council tends towards conservatism," he said finally. "For long-term stability, it is a logical course of action. However, it means that they are slow to progress. Like with your beacon."

She didn't think that it was slow research, but she held her tongue.

"I would prefer to approach them with data rather than a mysterious device," Saren continued. "I thought it prudent and, frankly, more efficient."

Shepard had to agree with him on the efficiency front,even if it was an unusual decision for him. Saren took his title as 'Agent of the Council' very seriously. But, as then again, he was more concerned with general galactic safety than the whims of any one councillor. 

"All right," she said. "What is it?"

"It is a very old device." He shook his head, irritated. "The purpose still eludes me."

"You don't know what it does?"

"I know what it is capable of. I simply do not understand why. It sends signals through light waves. And direct physical contact can have...results."

"Results?" she said flatly. 

Saren's mandible twitched, a rare show of unease. 

She narrowed her eyes. "What does the signal do?" 

"The data is inconclusive."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that our observations --"

"Don't be obtuse."

He did not speak for a long time. The only sound was the motor hum of the elevator taking them down, down, down. Until the elevator slowed, stopped, opened its doors. 

Shepard didn't move from her spot and tension crept along the back of her head and bloomed into pain. But she was a soldier; she wasn't going to let a little anaphylaxis-induced headache make her flinch. Not if she had a point to make.

Saren stared down the hall before them and sighed. "It will be easier if I show you."

She stared at his profile for a beat then pushed off the wall. "All right." The tension head-ache eased.

 

There was a faint buzzing as they walked through the long corridor, it sounded like old tubular fluorescent light bulbs.  She'd only ever seen them on Earth when her mother's tour of the galaxy bounced Shepard and her sister Gilly from  base to  base. That Earth school had the buzzing tubes overhead that cast flickering light and made her little eyes hurt. She  hated them. She'd hated that school, too. It was just before her biotics manifested and the kids who bullied Gilly were only encouraged by Shepard's absence when Shepard was taken away for her surgery.

Shepard didn't know why she was thinking about that now. She shook her head, trying to dislodge the unease that sprung from her childhood vulnerability and powerlessness. She was far removed from that little girl. 

Saren led her to a room with monitors from ceiling to floor. An asari sat at the console and Shepard arched her brow, surprised until she turned. It was Dr. Thanoptis. Of course. 

"Spectre Arterius. I was not expecting you today," she said, startled. 

Shepard glanced past her and at the monitors. Some of the monitors showed graphs with undulating wobbling lines. Others were streams of numbers or code. Most of the monitors showed a room with a ball of light in the middle. 

"What are you working on Rana?" Saren said. 

Shepard's gaze snapped to him. Saren was not on first name basis with many people. Even _she_ was just Shepard to him; though that was as much his need to distance himself as it was her need to be taken seriously. Were he and Thanoptis sleeping together?  She didn't care about Nihlus' escapades, but Saren had rarely been the type to sleep around.

 "I'm just cleaning up the readings, Spectre Arterius," Thanoptis replied. 

No. Asari tended to be overly friendly with sexual partners. She wouldn't be referring to him by his title if they were boning. 

"Commander Shepard," Thanoptis said. At Saren's disapproving grumble she amended, "Spectre Shepard."

Shepard's lips twitched but she kept her attention pointedly focused on the monitors. 

"She will be accompanying me during observations," Saren said. 

From the corner of her eye, Shepard saw Thanoptis freeze momentarily. She nodded. 

Ignoring whatever weirdness was going on with the asari Shepard asked, "What am I looking at?" 

"This is the artifact," Saren said. 

"Oh-kay," Shepard replied. Her gaze darting from one screen to the next, there were signal readouts interspersed with the feeds from the room. Quivering lines in a graph axis, little peaks and valleys shuddering and disappearing. "Where is it?"

"It is another fifty metres below ground."

Shepard frowned. "Because...?"

"To disrupt the signal."

"And the signal does what?"

"A whole host of things," Thanoptis said. "But for the most part, they can be hazardous to organic life."

"Hazardous," Shepard repeated flatly. She cast a glance to Saren whose jaw was working again. "What exactly does it do?"

"There are a number of physical barriers in place to shield the signal," he said. 

"What is it you need from me exactly?"

"I would like to jam the signal."

"For...?"

"It cannot be approached. It cannot be handled. It cannot be transported without risk to everyone involved."

Shepard frowned. "How did you get it here?"

Saren cut his gaze to her. His left hand twitched and expression did not invite further questioning. 

She stared back at the monitors, the glowing sphere and the scanner outputs. There was a question that neither of them had answered and for the life of her Shepard couldn't remember what it was. 


	7. Chapter 7

"And you think that's _fun_ ," Nihlus said after Shepard explained the project over supper. He was glad Saren was including her, she seemed to need to be useful but making her work for him seemed a bit extreme.

"Man, I love coding," Shepard replied shovelling leaves into her mouth. Saren kept offering her plants but she seemed to love them, they just looked so...unappetizing. "And this stuff is completely novel. I'll get to watch it, real-time."

"And you," he said to Saren. "Prothean artifact?" Keeping the Council in the dark about this could amount to treason in the right light. “

"There is nothing illegal about what I am doing."

Nihlus gave him a flat look. He did not want to go down this road with Saren. It was a slippery slope that only ended in yelling. 

"Asari conduct research on prothean artifacts independently of the Council all the time," Shepard said. 

"And how many of them are Spectres?"

"It's fine. Stop worrying," Shepard said. "I'm sure we could use your input."

He raised a brow plate, mimicking Shepard's most incredulous expression. "You guys are going into a windowless basement a mile below ground to code for a few days."

"That's about it," she replied cheerfully. 

"No thanks."

"Shepard is examining the code." Saren's mandibles twitched. "I have other observations to make." 

Nihlus stared at him surprised by his expression. Was he lying? “And you can't just get a VI to do this?"

Saren shook his head, "VIs lack the pattern recognition capabilities and higher level processing."

"At least without treading into AI territory," Shepard added. 

"And your staff?"

Saren frowned, apparently confused. "The productivity levels have decreased as of late. I think a fresh perspective is needed."

Shepard smiled to herself. 

"Right. I guess I'll just entertain myself, then." There were not enough credits in the galaxy to get Nihlus underground for recreational purposes. 

"I do have some things I would like your feedback on, as well," Saren said. "Above ground."

"Or you can always go look for more spider-crabs," Shepard said.

 

**********

 

Over the next few days, Nihlus tried chatting with the staff, but they were shockingly reticent for asari. The salarians didn't give him the time of day, though that was to be expected when there was science to do. He considered joining Saren and Shepard to the basement and was shocked at himself. Was he that lonely?

Nihlus looked at Saren's data when he was in the mood. It seemed interesting. The artifact was pretty old. Nihlus spent a number of hours cross-referencing the signal, but came up empty.

Instead of focusing on his inability to cross-reference the signal, Nihlus spent a lot of time outside on the trails and on the beaches. He regaled Shepard and Saren about what he saw over supper on the balcony. Despite Shepard's range of abilities, 'naturalist' was not one of them. She far preferred sentient-made. Saren was more of a generalist.

"I have a botanist on staff, if you'd like to speak with him," Saren offered after Nihlus described a kind of flower he'd found on the beach. Nihlus didn't dare bring it inside for fear of setting of Shepard's allergy, but it was quite lovely. 

"I didn't think turians cared about flowers," Shepard said. 

"What do you mean 'care'?" Saren asked. "They are important for propagation and food for other organisms." 

"Okay. Humans give one another flowers as romantic gestures."

"Is that all of their significance?" Saren asked. He had taken on his 'typical human' expression.

"Well, they're sex organs."

Nihlus nearly choked on his food at Saren's new expression.

 

But aside from their brow touching that first day, Saren and Shepard did not engage one another. Nor did they entertain Nihlus, which was a little more disappointing. Shepard seemed uneasy about having sex at Saren's house without Saren, but not enough to involve Saren. Saren's sex-drive had always been temperamental, and his reasons for not being in the mood were legion. Nihlus just rolled with the declines and got himself off in the shower.

Nihlus didn't pretend to understand  the dynamics of their relationship. Perhaps their intellectual curiosity was all there was between them when there weren't people to shoot. Spirits knew they weren't sentimental. Their tenderness towards him was because _he_ liked it. Nihlus knew that. But he was still greedy enough to encourage it. 

 

On the fourth day that Nihlus woke up to an empty bed and an empty house, he could admit to himself that he felt a little lonely. He grilled Shepard about her field work once she and Saren returned above ground. She reluctantly admitted to a problem with the human colonies. 

"I'm very surprised the batarians are harassing human colonies again." The 'after Torfan' remained unsaid and Nihlus felt a flicker of hope knowing that Saren was at least trying to be tactful. 

"Not batarians," Shepard said.

"How do you know?" Nihlus asked. 

"There's no evidence," she said.

"Lack of evidence is not evidence," Saren said.

"It's not their MO. Entire colonies are disappearing. I don't mean, some people. I don't mean most people. I mean every-fucking-body. Every man, woman, and child." She started to pace. "And there's nothing left. No bodies, no blood. They just vanish. If it were batarians there'd be bodies everywhere." She glowered. "They're like that."

Saren's expression was pensive. "What's the distress message?"

"There is none. They just go quiet and when Alliance sends someone to check it out, nobody's home. And by the time they realize that the colony's gone dark, it's been _weeks_. Food's gone rotten. Cattle have broken loose or starved. The fields are all overgrown."

Saren tapped his fingers against the dining table, food forgotten. "Security footage?" 

"None."

Both Saren and Nihlus frowned. 

"The only thing we can get from the security feed is the date of the last recording and then it's dark."

"And the Alliance has give this to you?" Nihlus asked. 

"Pretty much. I mean, I've been aware of it. It's been going on for years. The smaller, out of the way colonies. But whoever it is, they're getting bolder. They just took Cyrene."

Nihlus racked his brain for any scrap of information on the colony, but he came up empty. "Is that a big one?"

"Five thousand. Five thousand people vanished."

The turians were silent, digesting the information. Saren said very carefully, his gaze averted, "I'm surprised you're not out there right now." 

Shepard flinched. 

"I--" she swallowed. "I need a break. I've been running non-stop for months. My team hasn't gotten shore leave in weeks. It's the only reason I was okay with leaving them on the Citadel. Last time I ran myself like this we fucked up and I lost my goddamned eyes." 

She sighed. "I've been running this way and the next doing jobs for the Council _and Alliance_. I've been banging my head against this Colony problem for weeks and I can't think of anything. I can't think of a single solution to this problem. There are too many colonies to monitor them all. And _I_ sure as hell can't do that, on top of my other Spectre duties on top of my Alliance obligations."

"As a Spectre your obligation is to the Council," Saren said. 

"And as a human, my obligation is to my people," Shepard snapped.

Saren straightened in his seat, head angled down. Nihlus tensed. You did not raise your voice at your host.

Shepard had the good sense to look abashed. "Sorry," she muttered. 

Saren relaxed and gestured for her to continue. 

"You know I don't play political bullshit." She stabbed her food viciously. "I'm not trying to push an agenda for more lax--" She waved her fork. "Trade agreements or some bullshit. But the Council won't send anyone to look at this." She held up a hand, "And I know, 'humans are new. Stop bellyaching. Blah blah blah.' But fuck. Thousands people of people are vanishing. Shit and it's not like we need an army platoon. Right now I'd just appreciate a fresh pair of eyes. A different perspective. Some goddamned know-how." 

"I have a contact on Omega who might be able to assist," Saren said eventually. 

Nihlus was surprised and judging from Shepard's expression she was too. But she replied it, "Not Archangel, I hope?"

That made Saren glare.

Nihlus snickered. "I've heard interesting things about him. I'm surprised you're not more...enamoured."

Saren gave him a sharp look. 

"His methods are similar," Shepard said. At Saren's dubious expression she added, "You know: Kill them all." 

Saren huffed, but there was no bite to it. This was a game they would play, goading Saren. Mildly. Very mildly. If Saren were really annoyed he would let them know. It was nice that they were relaxed enough to do this.

"He is disrupting the power structure," Saren grumbled. 

Shepard shrugged. "Aria likes him."

Nihlus trilled in surprised. Saren did the same. 

"I use the word 'likes' very loosely," she said. " I asked her if she wanted me to deal with him because I agree with Saren about the power structure thing. But she said," Shepard pitched her voice to Aria's imperious sneer, "'He has his uses.' So I figure he's either feeding her information or his work is good for business."

Nihlus nodded. "People will spend more money at the bar if the streets are safer."

"Pretty much."

After a beat Saren said, "As I was saying. I have a contact. He may be of some use. At least to provide a unique perspective. A Dr. Mordin Solus."

Shepard mulled that for a moment. "Salarian?"

"Yes."

"I need to keep this on the down-low. If Alliance finds out I'm giving sensitive information to 'aliens' they'll give me hell."

"He is former STG. He understands discretion."

"And technically, you're giving aliens sensitive information by telling us about this," Nihlus said. 

Shepard chuckled as she opened her omnitool, "Yeah, yeah."

She squinted at Saren, "I'm surprised you're offering one of your contacts."

Saren shrugged. "I have no love lost for your species, if that's what you're asking."

"Not quite what I'm asking. But thanks for reminding me."

_Oh Saren,_ Nihlus thought. 

They stared at one another across the table. Shepard had certainly levelled-up her patience with these little staring competitions. "It is a problem that needs to be addressed. You cannot fulfil your Council duties if you are distracted by Alliance problems."

"Right."

Nihlus rubbed his leg against hers beneath the table. A warning. _Do not fight him on this_. 

She glanced at him and back at Saren. She looked about to speak but Saren cut her off.

"Besides. I appreciate your help with my project. It is only fair that I offer my assistance."

 

The morning of day-five, Nihlus forced himself to rouse when Shepard stirred. Saren was already in the shower. 

"Hey, wait," he murmured.

"Hmm?" she rolled away and sat at the edge of the bed.

"Stay. Cuddle."

"I've got work to do."

"You can't do work on vacation, it's not allowed."

"Not allowed, huh?"

She stretched and began pulling on her exercise clothes. 

"Going back to the basement afterwards?” Nihlus asked. 

"You know you would hate being down there."

"Yeah." He didn't bother tamping down on the longing in his tone. 

She looked over her shoulder. "I'll keep it short today."

He hummed, disbelieving. 


	8. Chapter 8

Saren frowned at the distant storm-clouds, a purple smear on the horizon that raced closer and closer to his island. Lightening flickered inside the clouds like flash grenades. 

Shepard appeared lost in thought as they made their way to the facility. Once they were inside the elevator she said, "I think you should hang out with Nihlus today."

"Oh." 

"I'm sure the island is very pretty, but he came to see you."

"And you as well," Saren countered. 

Shepard inclined her head but did not comment.

Saren thought it over. "You have been making good progress so perhaps I won't be needed." That Shepard agreed to look over the data so readily was a relief. It alleviated some of the headache that had been plaguing him. It was a tension headache, nothing more. 

"I've got a pretty good handle on things."

They were silent the rest of the way down. The doors opened and Shepard stepped into the hall leaving Saren behind. She glanced overhead once and frowned at the ceiling.

Saren found Nihlus still in bed. He nuzzled the back of his head. 

"You're back," Nihlus said, surprise and pleasure warming his subharmonics. 

"Let's go for a walk."

"It's going to rain soon," Nihlus said.

"It's not raining now," Saren replied. 

Nihlus' nose twitched. Even in the bedroom, the air was heavy with ozone. This would be a big storm. "I really don't like getting rained on."

"We can go out and be back before the downpour."

"Oh, the rain sent you its itinerary?"

"I have made sense of the patterns here," Saren replied with a small smile. 

With a put-upon sigh, Nihlus rolled into a sitting position. He was still nude and Saren's plates twitched as he watched him stretch. 

Nihlus cast him a sly look. He knew the effect he was having. "You sure you don't feel like staying in?"

Saren rolled his eyes. "We can do that later."

"Promises, promises."

Saren snorted and moved to the drawers. He shucked his robe and found more comfortable clothes for exercise. "Tonight, we can do whatever you'd like."

"I'd like to see you fuck Shepard," Nihlus replied without missing a beat. 

Saren faltered. "I was not under the impression that she was interested."

Nihlus came up being him and nibbled on his cheek horn. "You guys need to stop relying on impressions."

"She has not said."

"Does she usually?"

Saren considered this. Shepard was single-minded when she had a problem to work on; pleasure was secondary. Since her training, they have only ever come together for work and so sex came after the job was completed. And Saren was usually...excited and-- "Ah."

Nihlus hummed. "'Ah' indeed."

 

 

The plants and animals were well-adapted to life on the island. With the approaching storm, everything was quiet, save for the sound of the rising winds moving through the trees. The flowers had all retreated into their sepals. 

"Have you looked at the data?" Saren asked once they'd gotten some distance from the house.

Nihlus shrugged. "A little."

"Just a little?"

"If this is your way of involving me, I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm quite all right."

Saren smiled. "I thought you might find it of interest."

"Oh it's interesting. But not the kind of problem I can really help with. It--" he frowned. His mandibles fluttered as he said quietly, "It requires certain education-levels that I lack." 

Saren blinked. Nihlus was a competent tech expert. More than competent in his use of combat programs. But, Saren realized, Nihlus' knowledge was limited to practical applications. The issues with the artifact required a theoretical approach.  

He didn't insult Nihlus by coddling. 

"What do you think, thus far?" Saren asked as he walked around a fallen tree. 

Nihlus hopped over the log in a single bound. "I _think_ that you should have gone to the Council with this."

"That's impractical."

"Impractical."

If Shepard were here, she would ask 'is there an echo?' Saren's mandible flicked in amusement at the thought.  

"This isn't like you," Nihlus said. 

"Do not presume."

Nihlus sighed. "Not even after all this time? After all these years, I can't say that this is a little weird for you? To keep secrets like this. How many steps removed is this from going rogue?"

Saren's growled in indignation, but Nihlus' expression was one of genuine concern. He wasn't being disrespectful. 

"The information will be of use to the Council when we are completed."

"If you say so," Nihlus said.

They did not talk much after that. It began to rain, barely a mist at first. Nihlus would do a great many things in the line of duty, but only in the line of duty. Enduring rain was one of them. Saren lead him along a shortcut back to the house rather than suffer his complaining. 

Nihlus huffed. "Of course you have secret paths on your own property."

"Wouldn't you?"

Nihlus shook his head, but he was grateful when they made it inside before the rain started battering the windows. 

 

********

 

Thanoptis was in the observation room when Shepard arrived. She was always there. Shepard wondered, not for the first time, what she was doing. But the question never burned her enough to make her actually ask the asari, so they worked in silence, save for the quiet buzz of electronics. 

She could always rely on Saren to provide interesting problems. And it was nice and technical. No politics. No lives at stake. Just an intellectual puzzle to keep her mind off the hher tworries: colonies, the Council, Saren, her mother, her sister, Alenko's migraines, Joker's medication, Presley and Williams and their xenophobia, fuel for the Normandy, mining rights... Her list was an endless spiral of concerns that would stretch from Earth to the Sun. 

She sifted through the artifact’s energy spikes and light pulses, filtering them through a host of pattern systems, trying to find some way to crack the code. 

Her good mood evaporated when she felt someone's eyes on her. She turned. Thanoptis was staring at her. 

"Can I help you?" Shepard said as politely as she could manage. 

"You seem to be making progress. Might I ask where you were trained?"

"Alliance."

"I didn't know they had an academic track?"

"Pardon?"

"Most soldiers are trained in combat applications. But you have taken a very scientific approach."

Shepard narrowed her eyes. She didn't like the idea of people looking over her shoulder. 

Thanoptis gave a small smile. "I've been reviewing your work and sending it to Spectre Arterius."

Shepard's glower deepened. 

"He's quite pleased."

That brought Shepard up short. 

"I take it you are attempting to filter the data through well-known human mathematical patterns?" Thanoptis said rising from her seat.

"Saren wanted a different perspective."

"Yes, of course."

Shepard's fingers twitched as the Thanoptis got closer. Something about the way she moved made Shepard want a firearm close at hand. Her amps were out so no help there. It was, logically, ridiculous. Thanoptis was a lab rat. She had probably never seen the business end of a gun before. Her biotics were, most likely, rudimentary. 

But...Shepard had never been one to ignore her instincts. 'Prey' instincts were one thing that gave her a leg-up when working with turians. They evolved from the biggest baddest things on Palaven. Top of the food chain. They sometimes didn’t get ‘fear’. Humans evolved from prey and worked their way up. Take away the tools and the guns and gad have a very soft animal who couldn't see, or hear, or smell very well but had 'bug-out' instincts like you would not believe. 

Shepard stood and let Thanoptis take her seat. It was far preferable to having the asari stand behind her.

Thanoptis scrolled through Shepard's work and for an instant Shepard felt like a little girl with a teacher checking over her homework. One of the condescending teachers.

"This is quite good," Thanoptis said, flashing a smile. 

Shepard didn't smile back. 

"Have you considered altering the parameters?"

Shepard thought about it. "It wouldn't do anything."

"Are you certain?"

Shepard graced her with such a potent look of contempt that her grandmothers would feel it.

"Think about it," Thanoptis said blithely. She clicked away Shepard's work and said, "Would you be interested in observing the device first-hand?"

"Excuse me?" Shepard's gaze flicked to one of the monitors showing the artifact, glowing innocuously. She was curious. Her thoughts flitted back to Nihlus and the spider-crab, her own words coming back to her, _'You guys heard about what curiosity did to the cat?’_

"No, thank you," Shepard said. 

"It's just a short elevator ride," Thanoptis said. 

"No." Shepard repeated. "In fact, I'm done for the day."

"Alright. Well, let me know if you change your mind." Thanoptis turned back to the monitors calling up Shepard's dataset.

"Yeah." Shepard watched her scroll through the work before she turned on her heel and went back down the long corridor. 

 

It was pissing rain when Shepard made it to the surface. She jogged as fast as she could manage on the slippery boardwalk. By the time she made it to Saren's house, she was soaked to the skin and very grateful for the turian love of warmth. She toed off her shoes and wandered into the living room. 

She found Saren and Nihlus crowded around the low table. Nihlus sat surrounded by gun parts. Saren had her gift and a shotgun plugged into his omnitool.  

Nihlus chuckled when he spotted her dripping on the tiles but Saren took one look at her and said, "Go shower and warm up before you get sick."

"Yes, mom."

When Shepard emerged from the shower, Saren and Nihlus were still at their work. She flopped beside Saren. 

"What are you working on?" she asked. 

He tapped on his omni for a few seconds before answering absently, "The ammunition adaptor needs to be synced." 

"Ah."

He wordlessly passed Shepard a mug from the side table. He was getting very good and the coffee-thing. Shepard could get use to 'host-Saren'. He never made her coffee on his ship, but she suspected that the rules were different.

"Thanks."

He grunted, but his attention was focused on his omni. Nihlus was cleaning a handgun. Nothing special there.

"How was your work?" Nihlus asked. 

"Good," she replied. She'd talk to Saren about Thanoptis in private. He wouldn't appreciate her questioning his judgement with an audience, even if it was just Nihlus.

"You're back early," Nihlus said. 

"Yeah. Well, I am on vacation," she said.

"Oh, is that what this is?" Nihlus asked. 

"You're doing gun maintenance," Shepard pointed out. 

"Which can be quite soothing."

Shepard hummed and sipped her drink. The rain pattered against the great windows of the living room, thunder rumbled softly. With the warm drink in her hands, it was almost cozy. There wasn't anything cuddly about a turian, but it was the sentiment that counted, right? 

Nihlus spoke suddenly, "So you don't think Saren should send the thing to the Council?"

Saren stiffened, but surprisingly didn't say anything.

Shepard considered her answer for some time. "Remember the Eden Prime beacon?"

"I was there," Nihlus said, confused. 

"Well, no one's heard hide or hair about it since the Council received it."

Nihlus gently wiggled a part into place. Shepard always marvelled at how nimble his thick fingers were. 

"Is this your way of saying, 'they're keeping secrets so we should too?'" Nihlus asked. "Because, they're under no obligation to tell us everything."

"No," Shepard said. "But it doesn't look good. Especially not with the talk of in-fighting."

Both Saren and Nihlus' heads snapped up. 

Shepard ran her hand through her hair with a sigh.  "Gilly's been... not feeding me reports. But we talk. You know? She and Fraxas are adopting another kid by the way."

Nihlus flicked a smile. "Oh, that's nice."

 Saren didn't comment, but he never did when Shepard brought up her sister. Shepard knew of Desolas, but it wasn’t from Saren. 

"Anyway," Shepard said, "according to her, the Hierarchy's sniping with the asari over something. She doesn't know what, but delegates are going in and out of the embassies and people are pissed."

"I've been getting similar reports from Sur'Kesh." Nihlus said quietly. "The Dalatrasses are up in arms with the asari about something. I didn't know the Hierarchy was angry with them too."

They turned to Saren.

"I've heard similar things," he admitted eventually. "Though short of paying the Shadow Broker, I have not found sufficient details."

"Aren't you and the Shadow Broker best buds?" Shepard asked. 

Saren gave her a sidelong look. "I try to limit my dealings with him, when possible. It does not do to become solely dependent on the Broker for intel." He said the last bit in his ‘mentor’ tone and it made Shepard smile. 

“I suppose not."

"Could you talk to Benezia?" Shepard asked.

"Perhaps," Saren said slowly. "Though Xenia may be more impartial."

Shepard smiled. She'd met Xenia only a handful of times, and something about the grizzled asari resonated with Shepard. "Why would Xenia be better?" she asked.

Saren frowned as though trying to remember something then said, “Xenia's a Spectre and works for galactic stability, not asari interests.” 

"Okay. Forget that for a second," Nihlus said. "So what if the council races aren't getting along? They're not all happy families. There are political concerns."

"I know. I'm just saying that things with the Council may not be all that stable right now."

"You think that's grounds for going rogue?" Nihlus snapped. 

"Excuse me?"

"Enough, Nihlus," Saren said. 

When Saren spoke again, he sounded weary. "We are agents of the Council, we're not VIs. We are allowed personal endeavours." Saren rubbed at his brow plate. "I understand your concerns."

"But?" Nihlus said. 

"But I will need to think on it. If the work does not bear results, I will hand it over to the Council. If I can."

Nihlus was about to protest but Saren cut him off. "It _cannot_ be transported safely. I have found no way."

"How did you get it here?" Nihlus demanded. 

Shepard was desperately curious about that. Saren's left fingers twitched. 

“I found it here,” Saren said.

“You got it below ground, surely you had to move it.”

“I attempted it. Then I came in contact with the artefact and the damage to my arm was irreparable.”

They lapsed into silence. Nihlus' anguished, Shepard's contemplative. Saren had called both of them for aid when he'd been injured, but Nihlus had been closer. It was Nihlus who told Shepard about it later. How Saren had been half-dead from shock and blood-loss. How his arm had been gone from the shoulder. How the cauterization and burns along his carapace looked like the work of an omniblade.

Saren had never talked about how it had happened before. Ever. 


	9. Chapter 9

Their silence stretch and stretched until Shepard asked, “Just how dangerous is this thing?” 

“Very,” Saren replied. “Which is why it remains in the ‘middle of…nowhere’ and buried underground.”

“Why not jus get rid of it?” Nihlus asked. 

Saren cocked his head. “Are you suggesting that I destroy something because I simply do not understand it?” There was a wry amusement to his tone. Destroying things out of convenience was more something Saren would suggest.  

Nihlus gave him a flat look. “No.”

“There is a fail-safe in place,” Saren said. “Should the artefact become a threat.”

 “Will it?” Nihlus asked.

“It has not thus far.”

“Yeah, but there’s no guarantee it will stay that way,” Shepard said. 

“No,” Saren replied. “But I have taken far more precautions.”

 _Than_? Shepard wondered. She and Nihlus glanced at one another but neither said anything.

“If I can find a way to disrupt the signal, then I will consider transporting it into Council space,” Saren said. “But until then, it is simply not practical.”

Nihlus relaxed. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted, but at least Saren had heard him out. 

 

 

The rain got heavier. It rattled angrily on the kitchen’s sky light, the glass juddering in its pane. 

The indoor dining table was barely big enough for their plates and glasses, not the usual spread. This seemed to trouble Saren, but Nihlus murmured something to him and he relaxed. 

Shepard didn’t mind either way. Her ‘family dinners’ growing up were whatever her mother thought Shepard could cook without burning the apartment down. She and Gilly ate said meals wherever they felt like it (usually in front of the television). Shepard graduated to noisy mess halls filled with cadets then cramped ship galleys with someone playing cards nearby. By the end of all that, proper ‘civilized’ meals at a beautifully set dining table seemed like a lot of effort. 

The food was still good and being close was nice. Their legs bumped beneath the table. Their elbows brushed. They talked and talked as the rain raged outside. 

Shepard was telling a story about some mercenaries out in the Verge. It wasn’t anything special, save for some interesting armour upgrades she picked up. Saren was wearing a ring and she absently ran her finger along it. He stiffened and snatched his hand away. Shepard shifted her attention to Nihlus and tried to not let it get to her. 

Shepard wrapped up her story and Nihlus started one of his own. It was about an asari Justicar who’d nearly offed him because of some perceived slight. From the corner of her eye, she saw Saren place his hand on the table, in the same spot as before. Shepard ignored him. Until his calf-spur trailed along her shin. 

She frowned. Saren was very careful about personal boundaries. Shepard snuck a peek at him and while his attention was on Nihlus, there was something hesitant about his expression. Saren looked at her, at his hand, back at Nihlus. By this point in the story, it was apparent that Nihlus’ fascination with nature had paid off because he’d spent nearly two weeks playing hide-and-seek in the wilderness with that bitch. 

Shepard leaned back, ran her finger along Saren’s hand again and even though he flinched he didn’t pull away. 

Huh. 

The ring was dark with a triangle pattern etched into the surface. Saren’s skin, pale as his plates, stood in stark contrast to the band. It reminded her of the rings he wore on that first day. Shepard imagined sucking on Saren’s fringe blades, the metal rings clicking against her teeth.  Would he like that? Turians did’t suck. Their mouths couldn’t form seal. But he liked it when she touched his fringe. When she scratched along the underside where the skin was soft and a little spongy. She wouldn’t be able to distinguish the taste of him from the taste of the rings if she put her mouth on him.

“Penny for your thoughts, Shepard?” Nihlus said. 

She blinked, swallowed. Nihlus smiled, but his attention was fixed on her and Saren’s joined hands. Was that provocative? Perhaps in this context. Saren’s spur brushed her again and Shepard had no doubt that it was intentional. Nihlus joined in, his knee against her thigh.  

She narrowed her eyes. “Are you two having a conversation I can’t hear?”

Saren’s hand twitched. 

Nihlus grinned. “Maybe.”

“And what does this conversation entail, pray tell?”

“How much we want to get you naked.”

Shepard laughed, disbelieving. 

“Well, not in so many words,” Nihlus said, “but it’s more the feeling.” If it had just been the two of them, her and Nihlus, he would have wisked her off to the bedroom already. Those words would be murmured hotly into her ear. But now, he stayed seated. Waiting. 

She turned to Saren. He did the mandible-question-flick thing, but his quiet trill caught her off guard. She cocked her head. “Did you wanna have a tumble?”

That startled a laugh out of him. “I am amenable.”

“Amenable.”

Saren nodded, rose and began gathering the plates. 

“Uh,” Shepard said. 

Nihlus leaned over, nipped along her jaw. “Come on.”

“But?”

Nihlus shook his head slightly and Shepard let him lead her to the bedroom, leaving Saren alone clinking plates together. 

“Seriously?” Shepard asked once they reached the bedroom. 

“It’s a turian thing.”

“Preferring dishes over sexy-times.”

“Okay, maybe a Saren thing. He would never be able to relax if he knew that they needed doing.”

Shepard sat on the bed and flung herself backwards. “Ugh.”

Nihlus stroked her belly. “If it’s any consolation, he wants you quite badly.”

Shepard snorted. 

“It’s strange. He hardly ever wants anything.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Shepard sat up. “Where are those rings?”

Nihlus grinned. “You liked those?”

Shepard went over to the cabinets and flipped them open, riffling through their contents. 

“What are you doing?” Saren asked from the bedroom door. Apparently he’d seen fit to grace them with his presence. 

Shepard didn’t stop her search. “I want to see you with those rings again.”

After a long pause, Saren came over, reached past her to the back of the cupboard and picked up a small wooden box. Shepard turned to see Nihlus snatch the box and slip rings onto Saren’s fringe blades. Shepard ran her fingers over Saren’s cheek spine. The metal of the band was shocking cool compared to his skin. 

She pecked a kiss to his mouth. Saren’s mandibles went slack. 

“What? I can’t kiss you?” she asked. 

“You never have before.”

She shrugged. “I want to now.”

Saren nodded and gently pressed his mouth to hers. She traced the edge of his mouth plates, which were rougher than Nihlus’ and tasted metallic. Nihlus purred and ran his hands along Shepard’s waist. 

“Open your mouth,” she whispered. 

Saren did and Shepard had to smother her laugh at how wide he’d spread his jaws. He snapped his mouth shut and started to pull away. 

“No. Sorry. It’s just— Not that wide. Like this,” she said and parted her lips a fraction to demonstrate. 

Saren frowned but nodded sharply and mimicked her. She could see a hint of his teeth behind his plates. It was kind of cute. 

Shepard kissed him again, flicked her tongue into his mouth and Saren shuddered. She smiled and did it again. They stood flush to one another, legs and stomachs and chests pressed together. Nihlus ran his hands over both of them crooning seductively, undoing the bindings for Saren’s robes and somehow squeezing between them to unbutton Shepard’s trousers. 

She got the hint. They pulled apart to strip. Zippers snicked, catches popped open, clicked against the floor with the rustle of fabric. And then they were all piled onto the bed. Nihlus hot along her back and Saren pressed against her front. 

Saren’s plates were still closed and Shepard didn’t know what to do with that. He was always viciously aroused whenever they had sex. She’d never had to worry about _getting_ him there. 

Saren didn’t seem to mind, though. He shoved a thigh between her legs and the pressure against her pussy was fantastic.

They kissed. She stroked his mandibles, bumpy with scars and cybernetics. He cupped her jaw. Nihlus’ hot tongue tickled the shell of her ear and when she groan both he and Saren rumbled in response. They stayed like that for some time: mouths and tongues and gentle fingers. But Saren remained closed. 

Shepard was about to offer to lick his seam when Nihlus clambered over her. His cock bobbed as he moved around the bed. 

“Oh it’s nice to see you’ve got a hair trigger tonight,” Shepard said. 

He flash a smile, but Saren looked chagrinned. 

 _Me and big mouth_ , Shepard thought. 

Nihlus pressed his brow to Saren then her and settled behind Saren. He licked at Saren’s fringe and Shepard felt a jolt of envy. But Saren’s face relaxed, as much as the plates would allow and she couldn’t fault NIhlus. Saren purred then snarled, his expression a grimace bordering on aggression. Shepard craned her neck to see what—

“Oh, shit.” She ground her cunt against Saren’s leg. 

Nihlus was spreading Saren’s guard plates and rolling his hips. But no. Not penetrating. Rubbing him. There. 

Holy shit. The thought of Saren bent over for Nihlus. Good lord. She shivered. Would he late _her_ do that to him? Saren was still purring, still grimacing. If they did do that, Saren probably rode Nihlus, controlling bastard that he was. Shepard could deal with that though. She liked the idea of that. 

Saren must have seen some of that desire in her expression because he bared his teeth, gripped her hips and jammed his thigh up hard. He guided her, rocked her against him and she touched him everywhere she could reach. 

Saren grunted when his cock popped out, slid against her thigh. Only when he said, “Enough” did Nihlus pull away. His expression was smug.

Saren rolled Shepard onto her back, gently. He seemed to be taking a cue from the way she’d handled Nihlus the week before. But that wasn’t what Shepard wanted from him. That wasn’t how they worked. 

He ran his hands, both real and synthetic over her rib cage. 

“Hey,” Nihlus said softly and Saren snatched the condom packet out of the air as Nihlus tossed it over from the head of the bed. 

Saren made quick work of the condom then leaned over her. He grabbed her wrist and clumsily wrapped her fingers around his cock. He thrust once, his meaning clear. Shepard jerked him off slowly, watching him wait. His breathing was heavy. But this wasn’t how she wanted it. Not after the wait.

She let him go. 

Saren blinked at her. As if the thought over her not guiding him in was unfathomable. He bared his teeth and made a sound she’d never heard before. It was part frustration and something that was as close to pleading as Saren ever got. Proud, beautiful Saren was apparently desperate to fuck her. He rocked his hips, but did not enter. That, at least, confirmed some of Shepard’s suspicions about turian sexual culture. Nihlus had never been clear on some matters. 

Saren looked away, dejection clear on his face. Shepard tangled her legs with his spurs and grabbed his waist. 

“I’m not quite ready,” she said. She pressed into his soft, unplated skin. “Wanna give me a hand with that?”

Saren’s eyes widened. His gaze flicked to Nihlus, back to Shepard. 

“I’ve wanted you for too long,” he admitted. His voice was gravely, it sounded like impending violence.

“I trust you,” 

Saren’s breath quickened. 

“C’mon. Give me something to push against.”

They stared at one another for a long time. He pressed his thumb to her mouth. The real one. The pad velvet, the talon smooth. Shepard snapped her teeth. She didn’t catch him. Of course not. But he looked so affronted that she couldn’t help but laugh. 

The laugh turned into gasp as he yanked her hair and crushed their mouths together. His long tongue snaked inside. 

 _He could choke me like this_ , she thought. Shepard was part appalled, part aroused by the feel of him filling her mouth and how carefully he _didn’t_ choke her. How the tight grip in her hair loosened to a caress. 

That was what got her off with him, the edges. Their sharp edges snagging. Their knife edge of fight and fuck. Saren, at the edge of self-control and still able to to reign himself in. 

‘Game on’ indeed. 

Shepard planted her knee against his stomach and heaved with all her strength. It was enough to shake him off, turians were heavy as fuck. She scrambled as far as the edge of the bed before he caught her by the ankle and dragged her back beneath him.

His eyes were all pupil. Entirely blue glow. Would his eyes be black if he hadn’t lost them?

She slipped from his grip and elbowed him in the chest. It probably hurt her more than it hurt him, but he gave her enough space to twist and scrabble. She caught sight of Nihlus on his knees and rocking into his fist. His teeth were bared and he looked a little confused. 

That was all she had time to think before Saren was on her again. She was shoved onto her stomach, his palm pressed in the center of her back. It was the cybernetic one, cooler than the rest of him, and with his full weight behind it he was implacable. She could barely breath. 

The hand shifted higher, between her shoulder blades and Saren yanked her hips up. Shepard could feel the stretch all along her spine. Her tits were crushed against the mattress. Saren ground his dick against her. 

“Let me have you,” he said. 

And the power she had while pinned was electric. She reached down. He was so hot and hard in her grip. She was so desperately wet when he slid in. 

He growled as he did it slow. Shepard tried to push herself onto him, but he angled his hips away and, with his real hand, held her fast. She made a noise of frustration. 

“Feel me,” Saren said. 

Nihlus barked a laugh. 

Shepard twisted around to glared at him. “You’re both assholes.”

Nihlus grinned, shameless as his fingers curled around his dick. 

Saren slid a little deeper. Growled a little louder. 

“Just a little faster,” she said. 

“You wanted something to push against, didn’t you?”

“God. Fuck. Come on.” She twisted her hips, but it didn’t have much effect other than to churn his hot tip inside of her. 

He groaned, intrigued. The sound was a promise and a threat to stay right at the edge of her. 

“No please,” she panted. She didn't want that kind of edge.

Saren took pity and pushed in and in and in until his groin plates scraped against her ass. Until she felt his keel press into her spine. He made a satisfied sound then set a brutal pace. His hips snap snap snapping and for a long time only thing she could do was breath and cry out and clutch the sheets. 

She managed to pool enough braincells together to think about getting herself off. She licked her fingers and rubbed her clit. But there wasn’t enough air. She shrugged him off and both hands clamped on her hips. She sucked in great lungfuls and Saren’s pace, somehow, managed to speed up. 

She knew she was getting loud, but couldn’t help herself. Couldn’t give enough of a fuck to hold back. It was too good and too much. 

There was tension in her legs and back and groin. Saren’s hands on her hips, the ones that controlled, curled. His talons scraped. Nothing deep. Nothing dangerous. But enough of what she craved to ratchet the tension higher until it snapped. She let out a throat-searing yell. Her back arched. Whole body and mess of noise and tension and twitching muscle. He was so thick inside her it dragged out, on and on. Her muscle clamping but with nowhere to go. 

Once she was reduced to panting, Saren pulled out and away. She turned. His sides were heaving and his expression was damn-near perplexed. She reached for him, but he pulled away, hissing breath between his teeth and staring at the ceiling as he squeezed the base of his cock.

 Okay. 

He needed to cool down. But Shepard felt lit up. She wanted more. She needed both of them. Ravenously. She felt high, like after a fire-fight. She crawled over to Nihlus, still panting. 

“Can I?” she stroked his cock. “Will you let me?”

Nihlus nodded mutely. Shuddered when she scraped her teeth along the prongs of his mandible. Dragged her mouth down his body and to his waiting erection. He was salty and metallic and tart. His multi-tonal cries were melodic. So lovely as she sucked him in.

Shepard was sensitized all over. The skin down her back felt raw, scraped from Saren’s plates. Her cunt was hot. She so rarely craved contact after an orgasm. But she was getting there. 

Nihlus was smooth and slick on her tongue and along her palate, as deep as she could take him. The ridges and rows of nodules felt good in her mouth too. 

 

**********

 

Saren squeezed the base of his erection as he tried to get control of this breathing. There was little chance of him retracting. Not now. He was far too close and he wanted it to last. But he could feel himself drifting into something predatory. Shepard seemed to relish dancing on the talon tip of danger.

Nihlus’ noises resonated in Saren’s chest. Deep rumbling purrs, shocked little growls. Coupled the wet sounds of Shepard’s mouth as she worked him and Saren had to squeeze himself tighter.

Shepard groaned and arched into Saren's touch when he was finally cultivated enough control to touch her. Her moan must have felt good for Nihlus because he gasped.

Saren was so proud of them. Shepard and Nihlus were his greatest achievements. They were two of the most successful Spectres and he had trained them. Guided them. They were brilliant and efficient and deadly. And they allowed him to see them like this: wanton and vulnerable. He touched them with his desire and he touched them with his pride. 

He stroked Shepard’s muscular back, her waist. Both were firm under her smooth skin. Her rubbed her biceps, triceps, arms that could deliver a near-lethal punch. Would deliver a certainly-lethal punch if her fists came down as a biotic hammer. He ran his palms over her buttocks, her hips, her legs. They had outrun a thresher maw together.

Nihlus loved Shepard’s softness. But Saren wanted her hard parts. Her square jaw, the firmness of her bunched muscles, the bones that held her upright, the iron-hard logic at the core of her ruthlessness.

He felt the ridges of scar tissue. There was the crescent-shaped one along her shoulder that she never talked about. The small knot between her rib bones. It was a new scar. How much time had passed for there to be parts he didn’t recognize?

Shepard shifted her knees apart and spread her sex with her fingertips. An invitation if Saren ever saw on.

She had never allowed him to lick her. She had very strong opinions on the subject. Opinions along the lines of 'not with those teeth'. But that had been at the very beginning when he had some respect for her and not much concern, but fucked her anyway. She hadn't trusted him then. Nihlus had mentioned that her medication change had _improved_ things between them. 

Saren wanted to lick her. To taste her, smooth and slippery on his tongue. Shepard plunged her fingers into herself and he wondered whether she would let him.

Later. Later he would pin her down and...

Now, he just wanted to be inside her again.

He didn’t want her like this. He didn’t want to take her like a turian. He wanted to feel her long legs wrapped around him. He dragged her away from Nihlus. She struggled because she could. Because she liked the friction of a fight.

Saren flipped her onto her side roughly, raised her leg until her knee looped over his shoulder and wrapped her fingers around him again. Without subvocals there was no way for her to give consent. There was no resonant permission. It had to be manual. He needed her to pull him in. 

 _Please don’t make me wait,_ he thought. 

She didn’t. The greedy clutch of her muscles greeted him as she drew him in. He sank in smoothly and when he thrust he put his full weight behind it.

Saren leaned down until their faces were inches apart. Nihlus’ startled growl at the sight of her bent around him drove Saren on. Spirits bless human spines and hips.

He licked her neck, bared to him in her pleasure. It wasn't the same gesture as it would be for a turian. For her it meant nothing, but Saren didn't care. He'd take what he could get.

He placed his fingers along her torso, over the arch of her ribs and with surgical precision shallowly trailed his talons towards her belly.

She pushed into him. “Ah, fuck.”

Nihlus buzzed in disapproval but Saren didn't care. Shepard's cool, tense body was writhing beneath him and it had been far too long since they had lay together. He scratched her again. A careful snatch of his talons.

Shepard wailed. Everything about her tightened around him, her legs, her sex, her fingers at his waist. He groaned.

"Oh Saren. C'mon, get yours," she panted. "I want to feel you.”

He curved around her as much as his keel would allow. Felt his plates scrape and drag against her. She was so smooth. So snug. 

"Keesha,” he whispered. 

Saren ground his face into her clavicle when he came. It rushed out of him. All of the tension and longing and desire and distance and time, washed aside by the force of it. It raced up his legs and spine, he felt ignited. 

Saren nuzzled her neck as he came down. Shepard grunted and shifted her leg. Saren let it go and rolled them around until she was cradled along his front and he was still buried inside of her. She felt too good to leave. His sides were still heaving, but Saren felt more relaxed than he had in a very long time. He didn't realize how much their lack of contact had bothered him until the connection was returned.

Nihlus chirped and drew near to nibble Saren’s mandibles.

“Hey, you,” Shepard said. Her voice was satisfyingly hoarse.

Nihlus ran his thumb across her cheek. Kissed her.

“Do you think you’ve got another in you?”

Shepard huffed. “No. I don’t know. Maybe.”

“I want to hear you some more.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmh hmm.” He directed a trill to Saren, _please, oh please._

Saren rolled onto his back, bringing Shepard, still impaled on him. He gripped her under both knees and spread her legs. The sound Nihlus made was pure, ravenous hunger.

Shepard gasped and there was a flicker of uncertainty in her movement. Saren hesitated.

“It’s fine” she said. “It’s cool.” She laughed, but it sounded nervous.

“Keesha,” Nihlus purred. “Saren has fucked you every which way and _this_ bothers you?” 

“Shut up.” She laughed again.

“You have no idea how hot this looks. Seeing you stretched around him.”

Shepard’s breathing picked up.

“Can I?” Nihlus asked. His hot breath made Saren and Shepard shudder. “Will you let me?”

“Yeah.” She sounded drugged. “Yeah. Please. Oh—“

Shepard squirmed, bucked like she was trying to dislodge Nihlus, but Saren held her close. The tip of Nihlus’ tongue trailed against Saren. It was muted through the condom, but when he probed along the inside of his vent Saren thrust his hips despite himself.

Shepard’s voice was reduced to something breathy and high pitched, bordering on a whine. “I don’t think—“ She broke off into ragged pants.

“Just one more. You’ve got one more in you,” Nihlus murmured. “I know you do.”

He slid his palm up the back go her thighs and pinned her in place. It freed Saren’s hand to stroke over her chest, plant it on the top of her rib cage, the ridges of her collar bone beneath his fingers. Her head lolled back, cradled in his collar. She brushed her panting mouth against his mandible mindlessly and he touched his tongue to her’s tentatively. She shuddered, opened her mouth wider. They flicked against one another until her mouth went slack. Until every exhale was part of one continuous sound.

Her back curved as much as she was able. Shepard fluttered around him, her thighs hardening with the tension, he voice spiralling louder and louder. Everything went tight. Her voice became shrill, shocked. She clenched then fell lax.

“Stop,” she gasped and struggled feebly. “Please. Stop.”

Nihlus pulled away, gave Saren a parting lick because he couldn’t help but be contrary.

 When he crawled back up the bed, Saren gripped Nihlus by the fringe and dragged him closer. Saren wanted— He licked Nihlus’ mandibles chasing Shepard’s taste. It was tart and bitter and very human. Nihlus groaned and rolled his hips against Saren’s hip. Saren wasn’t sure whether Nihlus had climaxed already or if he was simply excited again. He didn’t care as he wrapped his hand around him. It was quick work to finish him off. 

 

 

With care, Saren disengaged from Shepard and lowered her onto the bed. He held himself out of his plates as he softened. (Spirits knew there was nothing worse than fishing a condom out of your vent.)

Shepard spread into a boneless sprawl. Nihlus examined the scratches on her ribs with a frown.

"Oh, go away grandma,” she slurred.

“What?”

"You look so offended. Such delicate sensibilities."

"He--"

She flapped her hands at him, "No humans were harmed in the making of this sex.” She cracked a yawn.

Nihlus sighed, but dropped the issue and cuddled her. She stretched with a contented sigh and looked ready to fall asleep.

"You should shower," Saren pointed out.

"But I'm pretty sure I’m dead. You’ve killed me.”

Nihlus released his grip and said, "You'll get 'crotch rash'."

Shepard groaned, and not in an attractive way. "I don't want to move," she whined.

Saren huffed in amusement at her petulance.

Nihlus shook her shoulder, rocking her back and forth. "Get up or you'll complain and complain and complain and no one will feel sorry for you. Not even a little bit."

"You guys are mean."

It was Nihlus' turn to huff. “A fucking like that and we’re ‘mean', now? Oh dear."

Shepard muttered into Nihlus' neck but Saren didn't stick around to find out what they were saying. Holding himself out of his plates was bordering on painful.

After disposing the condom, he turned on the shower. Micro-filters and UV treatment meant that the water was safe for even Shepard to use. No dextro-bacteria to stimulate her allergy. He had expected her to resist Nihlus' attempts at maintaining her health, but eventually Saren heard her bare feet slide and hiss across the tiles of the bathroom. She staggered into the shower, her hair tied into a bun atop her head.  She really did look half dead.

Saren glanced her way, about to ask if the temperature was all right, but a snort of laughter escaped him.

Shepard looked up. "What?" She had one leg propped up against the wall and was soaping her genitals with the kind of vigour usually reserved for buffing armour.

She narrowed her eyes. "This is the only place I need to be worried about. So I'm just gonna keep scrubbing away here without comments from the peanut gallery, if it's all the same to you."

Shepard let the soap sit while she lathered her back. There were angry-looking scratches along her shoulder and spine. Saren wanted to offer his help. She must have seen it in his expression because she smiled sadly and said, "Kinda defeats the purpose if I let you do it."

“Of course.”

He rinsed off and left her to the rest of her shower.


	10. Chapter 10

Saren woke when Shepard shifted on the bed. She squirmed out from between him and Nihlus and padded across the room. Saren leaned up to watch her; Nihlus purred softly and shifted closer in his sleep. Shepard rummaged through her pack. When she found what she was looking for, she straightened. She fidgeted with the box as she chewed her lip.

"What are you doing?" Saren asked. 

She started and looked over her shoulder, still chewing her lip. "I was wondering if you'd like to, uh, play."

"Play?"

She opened the box and tilted it to Saren could see her biotic amp nestled inside. 

Ah. He stared at her for a beat. She nodded, resigned, and shut the box. 

"My amps are in the top drawer," he said.  

Her eyes widened before a small smile curved her lips.

She slid the drawer open until the catches clicked at their limit, the hollow drag the only sound between them. She retrieved Saren's amp case and came over. 

Saren glanced Nihlus' way to find him awake and watching silently, curled on his side. 

Shepard placed her box on the side table but kept hold of Saren's case. He held out his hand. 

Again, her bottom lip was sucked into her mouth, her flat teeth working it. "May I?"

Saren blinked. She had taken them out before, but that had been an emergency. She had never offered to put them in. Never in this context. She looked back, guileless and hopeful. 

He dropped his hand and angled his head to give her access. Nihlus hummed in surprise. When Saren looked at Shepard, there was nothing triumphant about expression. Only determination. She opened the box, peered at the amp before selecting the correct side.  Nihlus fell silent, though Shepard must be aware of his attention. 

She touched Saren's mandible to turn his head and probed with one finger along his jaw to find the port before sliding the amp up and in. Saren grimaced. 

She stroked his mandible "Sorry."

He shook his head. She had done it perfectly, but putting an amp in was an odd sensation and even after many decades of using them, he hadn't been able to tamp down his body's reaction to the neural stimulation. 

She shuffled along the bed on her knees to get to Saren's other side. She repeated the motion: cool fingers along his mandible, along his jaw, along his port and then snap the amp inside. 

Saren felt the dark energy stir, like something hot in his gut. It trickled along his arms and into his fingers. He reined it in and reached for Shepard's box. Inside, the solitary amp lay nestled in the velvet padding. 

He held the disc between thumb and forefinger and trilled a question. Shepard took a deep breath and turned to sit on her haunches. She raised the mass of her hair with both hands exposing her neck. Her port was high in her skull, right at the edge of her hairline. 

"It slides in downwards," she said but otherwise remained still. 

Saren did as he was told. Shepard hissed just as the amp clicked into place. Saren rubbed along her shoulder. Apparently inserting amps was unpleasant for everyone. 

She turned and stared at him. There was still trepidation. Shepard had always been uneasy about using biotics in bed and Saren wasn't about to set her off by charging his up if she wasn't ready. She was too martial to not respond violently; she'd been thrown around enough times as a cadet to be on guard for the telltale glow in her peripheral vision. 

Nihlus shifted beside them, drawing Shepard's gaze. 

"I didn't know you played with your biotics in bed. I'm missing out on a world of possibilities, here." He was teasing, but his tone was appropriately hushed.

Shepard grinned. "I can fix that." Her hand twitched and glowed with dark energy. She cocked her head as she brought it near Nihlus. It was such a turian gesture, clear even without subvocals. 

Nihlus stretched. "Please do." 

Shepard touched her glowing fingers to Nihlus' keel and slowly dragged them down. 

Nihlus tossed his head back. "Oh."

She stroked him slowly, maintaining a constant, light flow. One look at her taut expression told him how focused she was on her task. She raised her fingers with a flick and the biotic sparks raced along Nihlus' abdomen, ghosting his groin plates. 

He shuddered. "Fells different to--uh."

Shepard chuckled. "An asari?"

Nihlus nodded. 

"Well in case you haven't noticed, I'm not blue with tentacles coming out of my head." She crawled over him and to his other side then gestured for Saren to join her. Apparently she wasn't above using Nihlus as a buffer either. 

Saren lay beside Nihlus who purred when Saren's own biotic sparked in his fingertips. "You guys have been holding out on me," he said. 

"We do not do this often," Saren said. And they didn't. It had been years before Shepard was comfortable enough with her control to attempt bed-play and apparently she didn't trust herself with a non-biotic partner. The Alliance did not teach fine control but brute force. Saren could understand her hesitation. 

She was gentle now. She cradled the back of Nihlus' head with one hand and with the other she toyed with his body until he writhed and groaned. His sounds were exquisite when Saren repeated the motion: plaintive and surprised all at once. 

Between the two of them, Nihlus was out of his plates in no time. He grabbed at Shepard's shoulder and pulled her down. She pulled her hand away and kissed him, her lips pressed flush against his mouth. She stilled, frowned in concentration. Nihlus' subvocals rumbled and cyan light flashed behind Nihlus' teeth and mandibles. When Shepard broke the kiss sparks danced around her lips for a few seconds before those too dissipated. 

Nihlus' expression was dazed, slack-mandibles when he opened his eyes. He turned and clutched at the back of Saren's head pulling him in. Saren expected them to press brow plates, but Nihlus' tongue traced over Saren's mouth plates, startling him. He pulled back a little but Nihlus whispered, "Please." It was enough to make Saren at least try. 

He touched the tip of his tongue to Nihlus' and his grip on the back of Saren's head tightened. They did that for some time, touching tongues and stroking one another. Shepard to the side, sending sparks over Nihlus' body making him twitch and purr. 

Saren pressed brow plates with him and looked at Shepard. He wanted her. 

He leaned over Nihlus and pulled her close. This time when he kissed her, his heart raced. They linked hands. Shepard's biotics were familiar as she sent them through her fingertips. Saren did the same, releasing a gentle pulse. 

Shepard yelled and snatched her had away as though burned. She gripped her wrist with a wounded look. Nihlus was very still, trapped between them. 

"I misinterpreted--" Saren started. 

"Your biotics are different," she said. 

Saren frowned. "I have changed amps since we last saw one another."

"No. That's not it." She held out her hand, palm up and glowing blue. 

Saren hesitated, but touched a talon tip to her palm, his biotics were barely a dribble and--

Again she snatched her hand away. "No. That's..." She clambered off the bed and Nihlus sat up. "They feel weird. You haven't--Have you done anything else, other than  replace the amp?"

He flexed his left arm.

She shook her head and started putting on her clothes. "I'm gonna go for a walk."

Saren blinked. 

"We can still be together without the biotics, Shep," Nihlus said sitting up. 

"Meet me at the lab, yeah?" she said as she pulled her on her trousers and fled. 

Saren stared at the door for some time after she had left. Nihlus was silent, even his disappointed subvocals were quiet. 

Eventually, he touched Saren's wrist. Saren bared his teeth. He was not in the mood to stroke Nihlus' ego. But when he glanced down his body he saw that Nihlus had retracted into his plates. Good. 

"I have work to attend to," Saren said attempting to dislodge him without causing harm. 

"You and Shepard never did that often."

Saren bared his teeth again. Nihlus was treading on thin ice and still he would not let go of Saren. 

"Did she ever tell you about that Ardat Yakshi she tangled with a couple of years ago."

That made Saren pause. "I read her report. Councillor Tevos referred to her as a rogue Matron." He thought back to the document then added, "She caught up with her a few months later though."

"Shep left some things out."

Saren looked at Nihlus sharply. The Spectre reports were supposed to be comprehensive. He felt a sudden chill. 

"She told me about it afterwards. The first time they fought. She was pretty shaken up about it."

"What happened?"

"What do you think?"

Saren frowned. He did not try to pull away from Nihlus again.

"I don't think you should take it personally," he said slowly. "She was out of commission for a long time after that." 

How much had he missed in those two years? Saren didn't say anything. Not until Nihlus leaned forward to tentatively touch brows. "I'm not in the mood."

Nihlus shook his head and pressed against him and Saren let him.  

 

 

**********

 

Shepard wanted to crawl out of her skin as she waited for Saren by the elevator. She didn't feel as excited about their little research project anymore. She just felt a little anxious and that bothered her. She had nothing to be anxious about. She was being stupid. She hadn't even taken her amp out in her haste to get away. Something _had_ been off about his biotics though. Yeah, it had been a while, but she remembered the feel of them. Was looking forward to the feel of them. 

If she had to put a word on it, she would say that there was something _in_ Saren's biotics. It was like those monsters from old-Earth stories. You look into a lake and there's something in there you can't see. But it can see you. And it's not nice. 

Thanoptis was working over at her desk and kept looking over at Shepard as she waited. Shepard ignored her. Shepard was on edge about Thanoptis, too. Her offer to let Shepard 'hear' the artifact was odd. Saren hadn't outright said that it would be dangerous, but fifty metres of shielding spoke volumes. 

The waiting gave Shepard time to look at the staff. Really watch them. There was something off about them. It wasn't major, just like they were running on too low a gear. They didn't speak to one another; they just moved a bit sluggishly. It wasn't noticeable if you watched just one of them. Only observing everyone heightened the effect. Why hadn't she noticed before? Because I only had eyes for Saren, she thought. 

It was only twenty minutes before Saren arrived. Shepard had expected him to take his time but apparently she was not so fortunate. She wanted to work, yeah. But she actually wanted a bit of distance from Saren. 

She pushed away from the wall and stood beside him, unable to make eye contact. 

Thanoptis scuttled over as Saren called up the elevator. "Spectre Arterius. I had some observations to make perhaps I could join you," 

"That will not be necessary, Rana," Saren replied. Straight-backed as usual, but his voice, sounded tired. 

"Sir, I must insist. The data--" she tried again as they strode into the elevator.

Saren gave her a glare that could cut glass. Shepard's lips twitched. 

"Of course, sir." She watched balefully as the elevator doors slid shut. 

Shepard's grin became full blown. 

"Of course you find her chastisement amusing," Saren said. 

Shepard flinched. He didn't look angry. "It's usually funny if it isn't me."

He hummed in response.

"God, this elevator's about as fast as the one in the Presidium," she chuckled. 

Saren gave her a blank look before staring straight ahead. This was going to be a shitty morning. Though why Saren didn't just open the elevator and sent her down, Shepard had no idea. It's not like she could get lost. 

She just wanted to to work. A nice technical problem was far more preferable to an emotional one. How did you tell your lover that his biotics have something in them without sounding like a crazy person? 

The elevator buzzed as they got further below the compound. It did that on the way down, but the sound stopped once they were in the hallway. She meant to ask Saren about it, but it never seemed as important as whatever they were talking about at the time. Now, they weren't talking, but she didn't want to. 

She glanced at her omnitool as they passed through the hallway and boggled at the date. She needed to get back to the Citadel. Anderson would probably send a search party soon. Where had the time gone? She wondered if she had enough meds. It was the first time she'd thought of that for a few days. Her head hurt. 

 

They logged onto the sensor network and began teasing apart the data points. Shepard wasn't as thrilled by it as she had been over the last few days. The incident with Saren's biotics was still bothering her and her thoughts wandered. 

She changed tasks and glanced at the EM readouts. Thanoptis guarded those readouts and was always fiddling with the sensitivity and the filters. Shepard, out of curiosity, scrolled through the graphs back to this day before. The ubiquitous pattern was there, the beats that appeared erratic but seemed to have some large-scale pattern. She scrolled lazily through the readings from yesterday morning and the pattern appeared to be disrupted. She cocked her head and looked at the graph and called up the lines of code for that time. There was quite a discrepancy, like the graph data was swapped out, but the coding data was the same. She scrolled through the time log and by about noon there was an alignment again. Maybe there was a glitch. 

She scrolled between the two terminals until the time stamp revealed the time when she had left the day before. Around that time the EM readout had spiked. She blinked at the data, confused. On a hunch she pulled up the read outs for that morning. 

"Jesus, look at this," Shepard said.

"What?"

"The signal's been fluctuating." Shepard glanced at her omni-tool and then at the readout's timestamp. "Shit, it dropped off right as we came down. Look at that plateau."

"It's not important," Saren said. 

Shepard blinked. "Not important? That the signal's got enough energy to penetrate the hull of a ship, much less a few metres of ceramacrete."

Saren looked at the readout. His expression became strange. There was slackness around his mandibles, but the skin around his eyes was tight as though he were in pain. Then his face smoothed and he said slowly and far less certainly, "It is not important."

Shepard watched him for a full minute afterwards. He carried on with his analysis as though nothing had happened. There was a headache beating at the back of her head as she watched him. It was only by chance that her eyes caught on the readout for the EM signal, saw the way it was elevated and pulsed in time with the throbbing. 

"Saren, what does the signal do?" She had asked this before. She remembered. But she couldn't remember the answer. Shepard could feel a chill seeping into her limbs. Biotic charge was building beneath her skin. She hadn't take her amp out this morning, she'd been in such a rush to get away. 

“Do not let it trouble you.”

"You have me sitting down here getting exposed.”

"The signal cannot pass through the shielding." He did not look away from the monitor. Was he still sore over that morning?

"Saren. Please. You know what it does. Don't you?"

Saren gritted his teeth, behind him the curve in the monitor danced. "It--" The curve peaked and Saren raised a hand to his temple, grimacing. 

Shepard eyes widened. Slowly, slowly, she touched his jaw and turned his head so that he was facing the monitor. A second after he looked at it, the curve dropped down to background levels, Saren's expression cleared. 

"Saren. That right there would not have trouble getting through whatever shielding you have in place. I'm surprised it's not enough to blow the sensor. What are we getting exposed to?"

His breathing picked up. It was the second time Shepard had ever seen him rattled. The first time, the only other time, Nihlus had been bleeding out with a stomach wound. 

"We need to leave," he said and the signal jumped up. Shepard felt a headache across her forehead beating to the same rhythm. Could hear a faint buzzing. Distant. By the way Saren clamped against his ears, he could hear it too.

He took her by the hand, just like he had when he led her to this place. But this time, they ran. 


	11. Chapter 11

Nihlus was updating the software on his hand canon when the front door burst open. Nihlus frowned, set the gun aside and stood. Saren stormed into the living room, Shepard close on his heels. They were both soaked to the skin and Shepard looked livid. 

“Everything alright?”

Saren pounced on the datapads he’d given Nihlus. The ones with the artefact readouts. He didn’t speak, just scrolled through the information. Shepard watched him like a hawk. 

Finally Saren said,  “We need to leave.”

“Leave?” Nihlus asked. 

“Is there an echo?” Shepard said.  

Nihlus gave her a sidelong look. He said to Saren, “Leave the house? The island?”

“We need to get off Virmire.”

Nihlus gaped. “That’s a bit extreme—“

"Spectre Arterius," a female voice. Nihlus cast a fleeting glance to the living room door. It was Dr. Thanoptis. 

"Rana, good,” His attention was still fixed on the datapads. “I need you to order a full evacuation.”

Nihlus stepped close to Saren. “Hey. Talk to me. What's up?"

Saren shook his head, “We need to--"

"Oh my dear," Shepard said, her tone as icy as Noveria. "That is _not_ a good idea." Both Saren and Nihlus froze and turned to the door. 

Thanoptis had a pistol raised, her arm wavering slightly. 

"What in the name of Palaven--" Saren snarled. 

"I cannot allow you to leave, Spectres. I'm sorry," Thanoptis replied. Though her speech was strange, as though she were reading a script. 

Shepard hadn't called up her biotics, but she was crouched at the ready. "You're off your rocker if you think you'll stop us."

"I probably am," Thanoptis said and her voice was as feeble as her gun arm. "The artifact is very persuasive."

Saren made a shocked sound. He covered it up quickly, but Nihlus heard it. Shepard flinched so she must have heard it too. 

"I don't want to do this," Thanoptis said. There was the sound of footfalls along the boardwalk; boots and the metal of mechs. 

"Then don't," Nihlus said gently. 

She shook her head. "I can't. Stop. I can't help myself." To Saren she said, "It was a mistake to bring them here."

"Sounds about right," Shepard replied before charging her biotics. 

Thanoptis fired, the slugs ricocheted off of Shepard's biotic barrier as it ballooned out and forward. Nihlus grabbed the pistol and heat sinks from the living room table. With a grunt Shepard sent Thanoptis sprawling out of the living room and into the atrium.   

The trio sought shelter from the dividing wall between the living room and entryway. Nihlus and Saren on one side, Shepard on the other. Nihlus handed Saren his gun. 

Saren frowned. His furious subvocals sounded like a swarm of hornets. "And you?"

"Tech," Nihlus replied as he fired an overload around the corner blindly. 

Saren nodded. He took the gun, darted around the corner and fired three rounds in succession then ducked behind their cover. 

Shepard lobbed a tech attack through the door. One of the mechs made a chirp and then there was there were confused yells. She must have hacked the mech. 

Saren sent another three shots and ducked. Nihlus made contact with the VI and frantically plugged in coordinates and instructions for the kinetic barrier. 

The sound of grating metal caught Nihlus’ attention. Mechs were scrambling along the  rain slicked balcony and making their way inside. Nihlus fired a cryoblast and overload in quick succession. Some of the mechs froze and shattered. But there was only so much he could do without a gun. He was no engineer. 

"You're nine," he called to Saren who was firing at the entryway again. 

 Saren turned just as Shepard yelled, ”Down!” 

A biotic attack sparked over Nihlus and Saren's heads, reeking of ozone. The mechs shivered and then twisted apart in the warp field.

Shepard sprinted across the gap tossing a tech attack for cover. 

“Vacation was not where I planned on dying.” she panted. 

"Mind your biotics, Shepard," Saren said. 

Shepard ignored him. ”Do we _have_ a plan or are we just going to keep firing until we run out of heat sinks. Because your _home_ is pretty well-staffed."

Nihlus winced at the jab and cut in. "I'm calling the ship."

"To where?"

“Here,” he replied and tapped the screen. ”The balcony.” He looked out at the mech debris. “The bedroom?”

Shepard looked ready to say something but she darted in front of Saren and Nihlus. Her biotic bubbled around her and she caught the couch that had been sailing towards them. With a heave and a yell, she threw it though the living room door and into the atrium. There were screams and a crash of glass, a surge of blood-smell. 

Shepard swayed and clutched at her head. 

"You will burn your amp if you're not careful," Saren said. He popped a new heatsink and fired more shots. 

"Well where the fuck is yours?"

"I took it out after this morning," he replied. 

Shepard looked abashed then frowned. "And might I ask _why_ your staff are attacking us?"

Saren's jaw worked. His teeth flexed, open and shut, open and shut. He took some more shots around the corner. "They have been compromised."

"Compromised," Shepard said flatly. 

Nihlus sent an overload into the dining room. They were coming in through there too. 

"This is not a defensible position," Shepard said. "We need to move."

"The ship'll be here in ten minutes,” Nihlus said.

"Instruct the VI to keep it low."

Nihlus frowned, then understood. "The AA canons."

Saren nodded. 

"Way to go, Arterius," Shepard muttered. She sent another VI hack around the corner. Amidst the confusion she yelled, "Now or never, gentlemen."

They darted across the living room towards the bedroom. Nihlus spotted asari making their way through the wreckage of the dining room; the room was charred, smeared with purple and green. He and Shepard each sent an overload into the room on their way past. As soon as they were all in the bedroom Saren shut the door and Nihlus dragged the cabinets in front of it. Saren went to his desk and pulled out his amps. A moment later, there was a flash of biotic from his corner as he charged up.  

Nihlus got a ping from the ships VI and said, "Seven minutes."

Shepard loaded a heatsink into her Carnifex. "How’s she holding up?"

Nihlus tapped the omni-tool, "Kinetic barriers are taking the brunt of the ground attacks, but the canons can't fire when she's so low to the ground."

The bedroom door juddered. Shepard and Nihlus crouched as shots were fired at it. But bless Saren and his paranoia; the doors looked damn-near bomb proof. 

"That will only hold them for so long," Saren said, bursting Nihlus’ bubble. “If the mechs become involved.”

Nihlus looked at the windows. They were large enough for a grown turian to pass through.

"Help me with these," Nihlus said. Shepard put down her grenades and helped Nihlus smash the windows and clear the debris. The wind rushed into the room, bringing the rain in with it. Saren stood behind them, a barrier at the ready, his shotgun raised. Nihlus' omnitool pinged: two minutes. 

The shots on the door petered out until they were replaced by a heavy thudding. That would be the mechs. 

Nihlus heard his ship engines through the din of the storm and the fight. He sent instructions to the VI and the ship raised slowly until the airlock was in line with the window. Not problematic for a turian to jump, but a human? 

As though reading his thoughts she said, "Don't you worry about me. Get your ass out there." 

Nihlus hesitated for a moment before he crawled out of the window and launched himself towards the air lock. There was a moment of weightlessness before his feet connected with the deck. It was slippery with rain and Nihlus pinwheeled his arms to balance. He overrode the decontamination sequence and sprinted to the controls. He could get the ship closer than the VI. 

 

**********

 

"Alright, out you go," Shepard said to Saren. 

The door was creaking in its frame. Saren gave her a baleful look. 

"Get your ass out there, I'll toss you the gear and we can bug out. Don't be stubborn. I can't clear that distance. Nihlus needs to bring it closer."

Saren, for once, did as he was told. He cleared the jump with such ease that it made Shepard jealous. If she tried to make that jump, it would be a long fall into some friendly rocks that would love to say hello. 

She tossed Saren's weapons case, then Nihlus' pack and then her own and her armour. The ship inched closer.

Shepard clambered onto the slippery ledge. The door was splintering behind her. But she couldn't look, she had to concentrate. Pain raged inside her head. 

“Shepard!” Saren looked horrified.

 Biotics crawled over Shepard and she was yanked back into the bedroom. She crashed into the far wall but came up fighting. She kicked Thanoptis flat onto her back and dodged the warp she sent Shepard's way. Shepard tried to call up a barrier but Saren, the bastard, had been right: her amps were damn near fried. The barrier she called up was pitiful and now the attempt made black spots dance in her vision. She had to make do with her tech attacks.

"You don't understand," Thanoptis said.   

"I don't care," Shepard said. She tossed a lift grenade out of the bedroom and the attackers in the hallway yelled. 

"You will never be rid of it."

Shepard didn't have any more biotic attacks in her. Thanoptis probably knew it. Shepard sent another overload towards the door. Thanoptis caught Shepard in a warp field and God it was agony. 

Shepard struggled, used that last trickle of her biotic to fight the warp. As soon she broke the attack, she called up her omni-blade and launched herself into Thanoptis, the blade sizzling in and up.   

Rana made a soft sound as she gripped Shepard's arm. "You will never be free," she said. 

Shepard dropped her and tossed more lift grenades out of the door. When she scrambled into the window the second time, Saren was still in the airlock. 

Shepard readied herself again, looked over her shoulder once and then launched herself out the window. She was getting close.

But not close enough. She wasn't going to make it. Shit. Shit she hadn't gotten enough air. Her fingertips brushed the edge of the deck. Slipped. 

"Fuck!"

Saren's grip was like iron as he wrapped around her forearm. Cybernetic talons bit into her flesh and she grunted in pain, the dig of the talons and the wrenching of her shoulder.  But she wasn’t a pudding on the rocks below. 

Saren heaved. Together they scrambled and crashed into the airlock. 

Nihlus' voice came in on the airlock speakers, "Saren! Do you have her?"

Mechs and asari and salarians were clambering towards the window. Saren sent a biotic attack sailing through the bedroom window.

Shepard stabbed the radio button, "Go! Go!"

The ship peeled away and the airlock sealed shut. 

Shepard and Saren jogged towards the cock pit. 

"Sit rep?" Saren said. 

Nihlus was tapping the haptic display frantically. “We're going to have a serious problem with those AA canons. I need a long run up for the old girl to break gravity."

Shepard glanced up to the canons, hazy in the rain could see the turrets swivelling and aiming right for them. She sat in the co-pilot’s chair launched the ship’s canon and fired at the nearest turret. It didn't make a dent.

Shepard's headache raged. Shit, she didn't want to die like this. 

"Log me into the wireless network," Saren said. 

"Kinda busy," Nihlus replied. 

Shepard called up the ship's network display and made space for Saren at the terminal.  The ship veered sharply and a shell from an AA canon exploded to their left. Saren was typing furiously, forging a link between his omnitool and the ship's computer. 

The VI display came up with a warning about processing restraints. 

"What the fuck are you doing?" Nihlus asked. 

Saren ignored him. 

The canons were still firing. Shepard fired into each shot and they exploded before reaching the ship. She may not be as good a pilot as Nihlus, but she could shoot things.

Fortunately, while the AA canons packed a punch, their rounds could only go straight. Unfortunately, there were almost a dozen canons. They would be out of range soon, but the law of numbers was not on their side. 

One of the AA canons exploded. 

Shepard frowned.

Another canon blew up. Then another. Saren was starting to look unwell. His right hand moved sluggishly over the haptic display. His cybernetic arm hung limply at his side. 

He reached a command line and hesitated. He took in a great big breath, his mandibles shuddering and there was he made a soft keen. 

The pain in Shepard’s head ratcheted up. Blackness was gouging out great spots in her vision.

And the buzzing. The buzzing was horrific.


	12. Chapter 12

There was a monumental explosion. Through the ship's stern cameras Nihlus saw a ball of fire bubble through the clouds.

"What the fuck was that? What just happened?"

"Fail-safe," Saren said. His head was angled towards the ceiling and his eyes were closed. 

Nihlus had half his attention on piloting and only half on his response. Saren made a soft keen: physical pain and regret. 

Realization dawned. "You _killed_ them?"

Saren didn't answer. 

The ship rattled as they punched through the upper atmosphere, Nihlus had to fight with the controls to break that last bit of resistance. Then they were through and there was silence save for the engines and the VI's programming warnings and their heavy breathing. 

Shepard lurched to her feet and staggered to the back of the ship. Nihlus glanced at Saren, but his gaze was fixed to the stars outside. 

Nihlus followed Shepard to the galley. She was flinging cupboards open, searching. 

"Shepard?" 

"Food," she croaked.

Nihlus pulled the human ration packs from the top cupboard and passed them to her. She tore into them with shaking hands and crammed the contents into her mouth until her cheeks bulged. 

"Did you eat at all today?"

She shook her head, chewing. 

Nihlus patted around the top shelf until he found water bottles and placed them beside her. She nodded her thanks and disembowelled another package with filthy fingers.

"He killed them," Nihlus said after she'd stopped scarfing single-mindedly. 

"What?" She chugged from the water bottle. 

"The staff."

"When?"

"Just now."

She squinted at him. "I'm going a little wonky. Clear sentences."

"Saren blew up the island."

Shepard blinked at him. “Huh."

"You're okay with that?”

Shepard rubbed at her temples. "Not especially. But what do you want me to say?"

"People died for no reason."

"No. There was a perfectly good reason."

He shook his head. "Don't."

She sighed. "I'm not happy about it. Shit. It sucks. There were a lot of people. I'm sorry you're bummed about it. But you know damn well that my compassion tends to dry-up fast when shots are fired Kryik--" she was interrupted by a bout of coughs. 

It wasn't long, but afterwards she leaned against the counter panting with a hand pressed against her chest. Her breath rattled and wheezed. Her expression was pained. 

Nihlus stared at her alarmed. "I have patches," he said. 

Shepard nodded. "Please."

 

He half carried her to the med bay. She was far from steady on her feet. 

"Biotics don't usually drain you this much," Nihlus said. 

"Well, it's not like I got any sleep last night."

Nihlus winced. He didn’t want to think about that.

He set her up on the cot and rummaged through his medical supplies then brought the whole kit over. It was a good thing too. It was only after Shepard had peeled off her hoodie to put on the patch that Nihlus saw the blood. There were deep scratches in her forearm. 

“What happened?”

Shepard flashed an almost guilty smile, “I didn’t quite stick the landing.”

She almost…Nihlus shook his head. One thing at a time. Focus on one thing at a time. He cleaned the cuts and slathered them in medigel. 

When he was done, after he packed the kit away and dimmed the lights for her did he let his hands shake. 

He grabbed the back of her head and pressed their brows together. “Oh spirits,” he whispered. “Shit. Keesha.”

She curled her hand around the back of his head and held him close. “You’re fine. We’re fine.”

“I’m really glad you’re not dead.”

“I feel like shit. So I’ll probably be glad I’m not dead in an hour or two.”

Nihlus laughed and pressed her closer. 

"We have to go to the Council,” he said. 

Shepard sighed and pulled away. 

“You don’t think so? After what just happened?”

She scrubbed at her face. “My vote is that Saren deal with it. It’s his mess.”

Nihlus reared back. 

“Don’t look at me like that. This was his project, his artefact.” She looked away. “I don’t see why we should be the ones to bring this to the Council. It’s not like we even know everything that’s going on.”

Nihlus looked at her for a long time. “What happened down there?”

“The artefact’s signal was fluctuating. It got stronger when we weren’t looking.”

He frowned. “Looking?”

“I think…” She frowned. “I think it was aware of us. Aware of our attention.” She grimaced and rubbed her forehead. “I can’t think straight right now. Talk to Saren.”

Nihlus did not want to talk to Saren. “But you still think we shouldn’t tell the Council.”

“I just don’t want to be the one to do it, okay. I’ve got enough trouble as it is.”

“What are you talking about. You haven’t failed a mission in years. Your work is exemplary—”

“But I’ve still got Sparatus riding my ass over every decision I make. Valern criticizing my intel and Tevos being politely condescending. They don’t like me and they don’t trust me. It doesn’t matter how good I am, I will still be the Human Spectre. Not just a god-damned Spectre. You wanna take this to the Council, go ahead. But I’m not doing it. I can’t. Not with the way things are. Not with the upheaval.”

“I see.”

She sagged. “Don’t be like this. Please. What are we going to them with? What information do we have?”

“You worked with Saren on the project for day.”

She shook her head. “That data was bunk. I couldn’t tell you what was real and what was fabricated.” She looked at her lap. “Nihlus, we have nothing.

 

**********

 

Nihlus and Shepard puttered around the ship while Saren stared out of the cockpit window. He struggled to keep his mind blank. It was a skill that had gotten easier with age. However, there were some actions that you did not deserve to forget. 

The attack had been so sudden; Nihlus and Shepard could have died. Saren felt queasy at the thought, at the realization that he had endangered them when they had dropped their guards. And now even Nihlus, who had the longest fuse Saren had ever known, was very agitated. He was banging about in the kitchen. Angry.

 

Saren stowed their belongings. He was still damp from the rain so he changed into his armour. 

Saren found Nihlus standing in the cockpit manually modifying something. 

"Nihlus." Saren stroked the curve of his carapace. 

Nihlus didn't reply but sidestepped out of range. 

Saren blinked. He said softly, "I will need transportation to--"

"You're getting off on the Citadel. Catch a ride with Shepard.“ His subharmonics were silent. 

Saren's mandibles dropped. 

“You gonna go to the Council?” Nihlus asked.

Saren looked away. “I do not think—“

“Is that a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’?”

He turned and the only thing Saren could recognize in his expression was anger. 

He made a move to touch Nihlus again. He needed him. Steady, stable, smiling Nihlus. “There was no other way to get off the island. They were compromised. They would have come after us.“ 

Nihlus avoided his touch again, bared his teeth and angled his head down; his fringe blades nearly brushed the ceiling. A low growl finally bubbled up. 

Saren swallowed. "This is why we do not work missions together," he said lightly, trying for humour.

Nihlus was not amused. "This has nothing to do with your inability to avoid collateral damage and you know it."

Saren did know it. 

Nihlus jabbed a finger at him. "I tried not to let it bother me when you were rough with Shepard, because she seems to like it, but even that's toeing the line. Scratching her, Saren? Spirits, and you have the gall to imply that I'm uncivilized."

"I have never--"

"I thought it was just that one thing. But they were your people. You were responsible for them." His subvocals buffeted Saren in a wave of disapproval and anger and disgust. "That you had systems in place to kill them if they caused trouble rather than helping them! You _planned_ to just murder them."

"They were not supposed to be on the island if the fail-safe was activated," Saren said. There were...had been enough shuttles to evacuate everyone off the island if they were quick enough, but Saren had never anticipated that they would be so affected. None of the staff knew about the fail-safe. Saren had assumed that his precautions were enough to protect them. Shepard had a saying about people who 'assume'. 

"Where's Shepard?" Saren asked. 

That seemed to draw Nihlus up short. He deflated. "Laying down." 

"What's wrong?" 

Nihlus turned his back and continued working. In any other circumstance it was the height of disrespect, but they were not at Saren's house, not on Saren's ship. The dynamics were different. 

"She's not an adept," Nihlus said eventually.

"I told her--"

"Yes, we know you 'told her'. Thank you for the reminder."

 

 

Saren went into the med bay. He flicked the lights on. 

"Turn that shit off," Shepard called out. 

He let the room go dark again, gave his eyes a moment to adjust then stepped inside. Shepard was curled in fetal position on a cot. Beside her, on the side table, her Carnifex lay untouched.

Her breathing was laboured as she glared at him. The glow of her eyes were embers in the dark. 

"What do you want?" Even in her irritation she sounded exhausted. 

"What's wrong?"

"You gonna explain why I got shot at?"

Saren didn't reply. 

"No? Then get the fuck out."

She didn't sit up, she barely moved. Saren sat down instead of leaving. She wouldn't physically assault him if she was this worn out, though she was well within her rights. 

Shepard glared at him for a beat and made a sound of annoyance before the lights of her eyes winked out. 

Saren watched her, the slow rise and fall of her rib cage. There were scrapes and scratches beneath her shirt from his plates and talons. Did she resent the sting of them now? Nihlus banged and slammed cupboards and doors outside. The ship hummed around them. 

"Is it a migraine? Your biotic Lieutenant suffers migraines," Saren said.

"Alenko?"

"Yes."

"I didn't eat this morning."

He swallowed. This morning.  

Shepard opened her eyes. "What does--did the artefact do?" 

"Implants cybernetics into the victim upon physical contact."

"Surgically?"

Saren shook his head. "It is similar to an infection. The artifact transferred something, nanites we thought. They contaminate the body. Replicate and spread. A synthetic infection." Saren remembered the anguish when he had touched the device two years ago. It had felt like burning blades in his veins. He remembered his horror at the thought of what he would become. "The victims lose themselves and become thralls to the device." The omni-blade had been his only option that day. 

"And the signal?"

"It makes you want things that benefit it." The words flowed so freely now. "Even if those things are horrific. The staff lived on that island for over a year." Spirits, even Rana had succumbed and she was the most brilliant of his team.

"Mind control?”

"Something to that effect. Yes."

Again silence. Then, "There's something fucked up with your biotics, Saren."

He didn't know how to reply to that. So he didn't.

How long _had_ Rana been under the artefact’s influence? She had been tampering with the data readings, that much was obvious. But what else? Were his brain scans to be trusted? 

When he didn't reply Shepard curled onto her side, her back to him. 

He was losing her. He was losing Nihlus. They were done waiting.

"I'm sorry," Saren said. 

That startled a bitter laugh from her. "The end must be well and truly nigh."

"I put you and Nihlus in incredible danger," he said ignoring her joke. 

"Oh really?"

Saren didn't replied. 

Shepard said, “I know we've had our differences but we've always managed to maintain an understanding. Of sorts. I trusted you." 

Saren grimaced at the past tense. 

"I don't think I can anymore," her voice was very soft.

"I understand," he admitted after a very long silence. His voice was equally quiet. "I do not think I can trust myself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the unlikely event that anyone cares, I wrote a post about my experiences writing this fic. You can check it out on my livejournal: [Recap](http://ba-rabby.livejournal.com/23796.html)


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